Chris, step away from the Barbie doll

Chris, sparkle, and their princess came down to see us today. It was a lovely visit and we had much more of a chance to talk than we did at the wedding. (Weddings, particularly your own, are ridiculously bad times to try to catch up with people.) M took the princess skateboarding and then sparkle gave her a bath while Chris spanked me with two hairbrushes and M watched. And I wasn't even bad! Chris said it was just to remind me that he cares about me; I hmphed and requested that he care about me a little more with his hand and a little less with the ebony brush.

The point of this post, however, is to highlight a fabulous new doll that their princess got for her birthday. The princess certainly loves it, but Chris couldn't seem to stop playing with it.

It looks innocuous, doesn't it?



The secret to this Barbie is that her tail moves backward when you push little invisible buttons in her hips.

And it rather looks like she's trying to spank herself. Or maybe that's just us. ;-)

Obsession

It started innocently enough.

I needed something to read on the honeymoon and hadn't packed any books before leaving Los Angeles. So in the airport on the first leg of the honeymoon trip, we stopped in Borders so I could browse and find something interesting. Half an hour later, M had three books picked out and I was still dithering. I wanted something light and amusing, but not so light that I would devour the entire thing before landing in St. Lucia.

Finally, at Mark's insistence, I settled on The Other Boleyn Girl and The Little Lady Agency.

Oh, and this book:



Oh.

My.

God.

I had no idea what I was buying. I had some vague notion that it was coming out as a movie and I saw someone reading it at the place I go to get waxed. But I didn't know it was about vampires and love and desire. Didn't know that it has a screaming teenage girl fan base. Didn't know that said movie would gross over $70 million in the first weekend.

I didn't know it was so ridiculously hot.

I was panting with desire at parts of the book, so unbearably turned on that I wanted to close the book and tackle M, but so hooked in that I couldn't stand to be separated from the story.

I finished the entire damn thing on the plane and in the hotel in Miami (our layover). The next day, I told M that we weren't flying anywhere until I got the other books in the series. This is no small commitment, since there are four books in the series. Each is about three inches thick. The last two only come in hardcover. And I didn't care: I had to finish them.



Now, I've never been a vampire lit fan. I've never read any of Anne Rice's stuff, never really found vampires sexy or alluring. But this little series has converted me. The funny thing is that there's almost nothing overtly sexual about the romance between Bella and Edward. For the first three books it's almost platonic: he won't kiss her and he flat out refuses to have sex with her. She pines and lusts for him (in subtle language that skirts the issue), but nothing happens. From all the reviews I've read, this point makes the series especially popular with mothers of teenagers, who want the abstinence message to come across loud and clear.

Yet even with all the innuendo and subtlety and non-action, these books are HOT. Edward is solicitous of Bella, but glowers when she is unsafe and scolds her soundly when she puts herself in danger. Delicious. There are scenes in all four books that just beg to be extended, for Edward to put Bella over his knee and spank her soundly. She is feisty, but also submissive. Delicious.

If you're wondering, yes, it was the perfect reading material for our honeymoon. The fires burned long and bright and hot.

And I don't care if I have the same taste in literature as a 13-year-old.

Post-Wedding Bliss

Hi everyone!

We're back. We're tired, jet-lagged, not ready for work tomorrow, and still reeling from the whirlwind of activities, but we're back. In a nutshell: The wedding was gorgeous and went off with no major catastrophes and plenty of lovely memories. The honeymoon in St. Lucia was an adventure, though also romantic and beautiful. The California reception yesterday was festive and fun with people we didn't see at the wedding.

I managed to be married for almost a full week before earning my first hairbrushing. :-) I'll spare you the gory details, but suffice to say that the St. Lucian sun is a bit stronger than I thought.

Thank you for all the good wishes and notes over the last month. The experience has been wonderful, but we are more than content to settle into married life without the extra drama of wedding-, travel-, and reception-planning. I'm especially looking forward to getting back into online life and having the time to read blogs and post here.

Pre-Wedded Bliss

I wish I had lots of kinky things to report from our household. After all, we are a young, healthy, kinky, soon-to-be-wed couple with a kinky girlfriend. We should be reveling in the excitement and love bubble, but instead we're caught between the extremely mundane (work, housecleaning, daily meal preparation, family obligations) and the temporarily insane (thank you notes, last minute decisions, tuxedo comparisons, floral options, indecisive guests). All of which conspire to divert our attention from each other and, ahem, more interesting pursuits. We've managed to entertain ourselves and stay connected, but there's been no interesting misbehavior on which to report. No sexy romps or spankings. No serious strappings or hairbrushings or paddlings. A few smacks here and there, but nothing blog-worthy.

I'm sorry, my friends. I don't expect you'll hear much from me in the next couple months. The glorious date is November 8th, and I'll be pretty busy from now until then. We arrive back from the honeymoon about 36 hours before our California reception, the Saturday before Thanksgiving. But rest assured, as soon as I'm feeling back in form I'll do something spunky and sassy and bratty and we'll be back in business. :-)

Go!

Advice, Please

Thank you all for the wonderful marriage/sex/kinky advice. I'm sure we'll, um, use all of your suggestions in one way or another. :-)

Anyway, I need help on a more serious front. M and I have a dear friend who has agreed to be our iPod DJ for the reception, but I have to help her make up the playlist. I'm seeking ideas for the dinner playlist and the after-dinner-dancing playlist. Dinner music will be Michael Buble/ Frank Sinatra/ jazzy-ish. After dinner, anything goes.

We need to fill up several hours with music, so I'd appreciate any and all ideas. sparkle suggested that we take our top ten or twenty favorites and make them into an iTunes playlist, so maybe we can do that.

SL08: Marriage Advice

My bestest sparkle threw an absolutely delightful shower/bachelorette party for me during the weekend in Vegas. We had wine, cheese, really good cookies, and a whole cheesecake from The Cheesecake Factory. Delicious.

I am truly not a shower-games kind of girl, but sparkle planned two fun games and came prepared with prizes for the winners. She also had a tiara for me that is VERY sparkly and says Bachelorette on it and a magic wand with a double sided star for bopping people; one side says Good Girl and the other says Bad Girl. Very fun.

One of the games she made up involved a series of 3x5 cards with questions printed on them. Guests at the party were each given three and had to write answers/advice designed to be thought- and laughter-provoking. (In a future post I may show evidence of the prize given to those who provoked a laugh from me.)

I thought you might be interested in adding your sage advice to the wisdom of those who were there, so I've reproduced some of the questions below. (To truly recreate the atmosphere and give the best advice possible, you may need a couple glasses of wine and something sparkly to wear on your head.)

1.) I really need to make him laugh. What can I do to amuse him?

2.) I really need to cry and it's not his fault. Why should I burden him with my drama?

3.) What came first--the sperm or the egg? And why should I not get to orgasm as much as possible?

4.) I really need to sleep. What can I do so he'll keep his hands to himself?

5.) He thinks I need some time in the corner. What can I do to keep him from getting bored while I'm there?

6.) Do you know how turned on I would be if he ran the vacuum? How can I convince him?

7.) Wine would stain the bed cover. What can I put on my body that he'll lick off?

8.) Some people don't know when to leave after a dinner invitation. What polite thing can I say to make them go away before my bedtime spanking?

8.5) Some people I don't want to leave after dinner. What can I say so they'll stay past my bedtime spanking--without pajamas?

9.) If I don't spank someone I'm going to scream. What can I do to get him to bend over and take it like a big boy?

10.) I'm hormonal and crying at Cheerios commercials. Should I buy a stock of home pregnancy tests yet?

11.) My bottom is bruised and sore. What can I do to get some sympathy around here?

12.) I really want to have sex. What can I do to interest him?

12.5.) I really need a spanking. What can I do to interest him?

Any and all answers are welcome, but especially funny ones!