Saturday, October 17, 2009

Blast from the past

I just posted over at Punishment Book for the first time in a looooong time. Go check it out: Blast from the past.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

I Like Canes? (aka, Spanking and the Pregnant Girl)

Who knew?

Well, I sort of knew. I knew that pregnancy could make one feel tired, nauseated, weepy, grumpy, horny, and hungry (sometimes all at once). I knew that pregnancy could radically change one's body type and shape (duh). I even knew that pregnancy hormones could make one's nose run, feet cramp, ankles swell, and hair grow. What I didn't know is that pregnancy could make me like canes.

Over the last five months I've been noting all the different changes in my body, from my suddenly bountiful breasts to my thickening waist and finally protruding belly. I've had little to no interest in spanking, but I attributed that to hormones and a pretty miserable first trimester, so M and I haven't played much for a long time.

When we first started thinking about having a baby, I met with my Ob/Gyn and asked her if it was safe to play while pregnant. She said it was fine as long as I was careful about any direct blows to my abdomen (which isn't really my kink anyway), so I definitely would have felt ok playing, but I didn't have the interest.

Cut to the Shadow Lane party this past weekend. I tend to play very hard, but since I haven't been spanked much lately I didn't know what my tolerance would be like. M and I talked about it and decided it would be easier for me to refrain from playing or only play lightly. Truthfully, I would have been fine to go without playing for the whole party (I've certainly done that before!), but then Bridget asked if she could spank me and I agreed.

We had to figure out a comfortable position for me, since I'm just getting to the point where I can't lie on my belly for too long, so we propped some pillows over the end of the sofa arm in Pablo and Mija's room. Bridget and I have played before, several times, and she knows which heavy strap is my favorite. After a very brief warm-up, she went right for the strap. Which hurt. A lot. At first I chalked it up to my lower pain threshold (getting waxed before the party almost had me in tears), but I still couldn't settle into the pain or relax into the strokes.

Finally, I had to give in. "I think I'm only good for a few more," I said.

Bridget nodded. "Can I give you a couple with the cane?" she asked.

I had to think about this for a moment. Normally I really don't like canes. But Bridget likes using them and I figured it couldn't hurt worse than the strap. Plus, for as much as my bottom was telling me the scene should be over, my head wasn't ready to have it end so quickly. So I agreed.

"Only a couple," I said.

She chose the thickest cane on the table (thoughtfully laid out by Pablo) and gave me one stroke. Not bad.

Another stroke. Still not bad.

Another stroke. Still not bad?

I was starting to realize that rather than tolerating the cane strokes, I was welcoming them. After those first three (interspersed with gentle cane tapping), Bridget dutifully stopped and checked in with me. "You can keep going," I said.

And she did. She tried several different canes on me, varying the intensity and speed--I ate it all up. I was finally getting to that pleasant place in my head, the floaty, warm place where I look forward to the next stroke. Yum...

After a bit, however, I think she got nervous about my sudden affinity for the cane and offered to finish the scene up with a few licks from the strap. I agreed, thinking that I was safe and floaty enough to welcome the familiar heavy thud. But it was horrible: sharp, biting, jarring. I found myself clenching my stomach muscles as I tensed for the next blow. She only gave me a handful of strokes with the strap, but I had to stop her quickly and ask for a few more cane strokes to finish.

I am more puzzled by this turn of events than any other single event, craving, feeling, or experience in my pregnancy thus far. Wine smells like paint thinner, pork makes me want to throw up, TV commercials make me cry, and canes make me purr.


Monday, May 4, 2009


Uhhh, sorry I've been gone for a while, guys. It's been pretty rough around here lately, which means that M has been focused on taking care of me in gentler ways than average.

But that doesn't mean that nothing goes on around here...

So here are a few vignettes from our life, with my apologies for the delay.

Last month, M and I went with a friend of ours to see Vivaldi's Motezuma. It was my first opera and it was beautiful, but all I could focus on was the spanking. No, not real spanking, darn it. But the main characters kept prancing around the stage with "weapons" that were supposed to be some kind of Aztec throwback but were actually giant paddles. Seriously, my friends. Giant paddles. And the father figure threatened his daughter with the paddle if she didn't do what he wanted. (He was really threatening her with death, but whatever. Spanking, death. You know.) It was wonderful.

This weekend we went hiking in Yosemite National Park, which was amazing. At the end of one of our hikes, we came back to the trailhead and saw a small knot of people standing there. Two vanilla acquaintances hushed us as we greeted them and said, "Shhhhh, there's a bear over there." Hey, don't look at me! I was good! I stood at a respectful, safe, appropriate distance from the bear and tried to take a picture with the zoom. Which wasn't very good, but I was prepared to be satisfied with that. Until the girl turned to her boyfriend and said, "Watch the backpack. I'm going to go closer and try to get a better picture." He said, "No. It's not safe." And she ignored him. [grin] Being the responsible, good girl that I am, I turned to M and said, "Is it ok if I just go over there behind that big rock and try to get a better picture, as long as I stay there and don't bug the bear?" And he said, "Yes." So I did. And I stayed put and stayed respectful to the bear. But our vanilla friend, who joined me, was clearly in defiance of her boyfriend. The poor guy was clearly not toppy enough to stop her (since he thought it was too dangerous), so even though she and I both made it back completely safely, M and I had a lot of fun thinking about how our kind would have handled her defiance.


Miss Lily managed to get herself a sunburn last week, which is something she (and possibly someone else in the household) has been spanked for before. So she got spanked again and I got to watch. It was lovely... M spanked her hard, but not too hard (pout)--she has such a lovely bottom and it's even lovelier when it's pink.


I was given a reading assignment over the weekend, to read X pages of a book M bought for me about grad schools. Like a good girl I finished the reading, but you should have heard his dire threats, whispered in my ear: "If you don't read all those pages, I'm going to spank you every night for a week. And I'm not going to go lightly on you just because you're sore. I'm going to hairbrush your bottom very hard every night, little girl." [shiver, yum]

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Do You Like It?

Adele Haze posted this, but in case you missed it there, enjoy it here:

Saturday, March 28, 2009

A present

Guess what arrived in the mail for M yesterday?

A big box of gingersnap cookies from sparkle.


Now why would she send them to M, do you think?

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Twilight #2

For your reading pleasure, again from Anonymous...

A Chemistry Reaction

After chapter 3, before chapter 4

Tuesday after school, Edward and I got in his car. He drove a few minutes and then spoke.

“Do you mind if we go to my home for a while?” he asked.

“I have to cook for Charlie” I answered automatically. “What’s up?”

“Nothing” he replied and shrugged. “Just a change of pace.”

We drove on a few more minutes, listening to the radio.

“How about after dinner?” Edward asked.

“How about what after dinner?” I replied

“After dinner, could we go to my home?” he said.

“Sure.” I said. “Any reason you’re anxious to bring me to your home?” Something didn’t feel right.

He shrugged again. “More privacy” he responded. I’d like to spend time with you, sans Charlie.”

“OK, sure. Fine, great” I answered. But I knew that wasn’t all of it. And besides, wasn’t his family there? How alone could we be? Still, I tossed it off. It probably was something unimportant. Edward often over-reacted.

At my house I cooked for Charlie, something easy, and started on my homework. I could tell Edward really wanted to get going, because he practically did my homework for me, and he never does that. We were finally headed towards his house, when I asked again what was wrong. His hands tightened around the steering wheel.

“Is it Victoria?” I panicked.

“No” he said. “It seems you don’t need Victoria.”

I was going to ask him what he meant as we pulled into the driveway, but almost instantly he was opening the car door and carrying me out of the car. He traveled so fast it was like a blur, through the garage and into a room I’d never seen. He put me down and closed the door.

I noticed the walls were mirrored, and there were several different types of musical equipment, plus a couch.

“A music studio?” I asked.

“My music studio” he answered. “It’s soundproof, even for most vampires.”

“It’s great,” I answered, but I could tell we weren’t here so he could play me a new composition. He sighed and lay back on the couch.

“As I was saying,” he replied, “You don’t seem to need Victoria. You’ll be happy to kill yourself just by attending high school.”

I looked at him incredulously for a minute, and then I knew.

AP Chemistry.

Both Edward and I were in a specialized chemistry class with an intricate lab. Today, Edward was not actually in class with me, having been pulled out for some generic senior activity done one homeroom at a time. So I had done the lab without my usual partner.

And without my safety goggles.

Now, half the class was constantly taking off their goggles- despite threats of detention- which were never carried out- mostly because the goggles were annoying, hideous, and left marks around one’s face for an hour. But Edward insisted I wear my goggles, even though he often left his on the top of his head.

“How did you know?” I asked

“Mike Newton replayed the incident at least one hundred times in his head.”

It was worse than I thought. I had almost spilled a chemical, and Mike’s quick gloved hands kept it from hitting me in the face. Edward knew I had almost got burned.

“Edward..” I began.

“I don’t want to hear it,” he replied. “We’ve been through this, and I know you know I’m right.” He pinched the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger and took a deep breath. I could tell he was trying to clam himself

He sighed and continued, “I’m guessing though, that my warning about what I would do if you put your safety in jeopardy again was not taken seriously enough. So here we are.”

At first I didn’t follow. Then I realized what he meant, and instantly, my hands jumped to cover my bottom.

“Oh, so you remembered after all.”

“Edward” I pleaded, “I’ll never do it again.”

“After tonight, I would guess not.” He sat up straight, and took a deep breath. “Okay Bella. Come stand by my side and pull your jeans down to your knees.”

“What?” I cried.

“Bella!” His face was stern. “Obey me at once.”

I shook my head and kept my hands on my bottom.

“Bella” he nearly whispered. “I am not going to tell you again. But let me make this clear. Tonight was supposed to be a reminder of the importance of your safety. But if necessary..” his eyes stared through me. “we can make this night about the importance of instant obedience, after the first lesson is done.”

I knew he was not going to back down. I walked slowly to his side. I took a deep swallow, and lowered my jeans. Tears came to my eyes. I looked at him pleadingly.

In a heartbeat, I was over his knee.

At the first spank I knew my last punishment was light. He walloped into me again and again, and I began to feel panic mingled with pain. This one was really going to hurt.

I was crying as I began to beg. “I’ll never do it again Edward. It was stupid and thoughtless and I promise I’ll never do it again.” I wasn’t sure he could even hear me over the spanks.

He came down hard and fast, right at the center of my bottom, almost touching my thighs. He kept on and on until I was sobbing openly. I could feel the blood rushing to my cheeks. Then he switched places.

Edward chose a spot, spanked it seven or eight times fast, so fast it felt like the spot was on fire. Then he chose another spot and did it again. Another spot and he did it again. He must have done at least twelve different spots, and then I screamed. My bottom was one big flame.

He went back to the lower center and began to spank over and over until I began to think he would never stop. I was weeping so hard I could barely speak.

“Please Edward. Please, oh please, I will never ever do anything unsafe again! Never!” I began to cry harder, not even knowing that crying harder was possible.

Edward was unmoved. He continued to spank the center of my bottom. He no longer moved quickly, but methodically, as if his spanks were timed with my heartbeat. He spanked me ten, then twenty, then thirty times, yet still continued systematically.

“Please, Edward your hurting me so much! Please no more, please no more” I pleaded

Edward continued to spank, not even missing one beat. “Believe it or not Bella, this hurts me more than it hurts you” he answered, as he carried on my punishment.

I continued to cry, as I turned my head sideways.

Two mirrors had formed a double reflection, and I found I could actually see myself getting spanked. Though I still wore my white cotton panties, I could see a red blush shining through them, with red skin peeking out of the sides and bottom. Edward’s face was set down with a look of pure concentration, as he stared at my bottom, giving it smack after smack.

My bottom could not take any more. Surely Edward would see that. Surely he would stop. But time meant nothing to a vampire. I could see it in his face as he spanked again and again. He was so determined. And I knew then that I would not get myself in this position again. I would stay safe. I would do as Edward told me. I would do anything not to go through this again.

Then I began to get anxious. Perhaps he would never stop. His hand would never begin to hurt; his arm would never begin to tire.

I was howling out of control. The pain was so bad I began to feel only my bottom, which seemed to nearly grow under Edward’s hand. The rest of me seemed to melt away. I could not stop crying long enough to even plead for him to stop.

And then the spanking ended.

I could tell that Edward was no longer smacking my bottom, but I was still crying fitfully. I could feel my bottom pulsating, the blood rushing, and the pain almost cycling, as if I was still being spanked. My bottom felt like one huge swollen blister that throbbed and burned.

Edward talked as I wept.

“I don’t know what else I need to do to impress upon you the importance of safety.”

I continued to cry in reply.

“I’d like you to remember that if the chemicals had ended up in your face, the pain might have been a lot like this.”

Although I was still crying I tried to nod my head, to show him I was listening. He seemed to understand.

“Only then, it wouldn’t be a pain that would go away in a while, and leave you uninjured. It could have caused you to have gone blind, been disfigured, perhaps even unable to breathe.”

I kept on crying, still unable to talk. He stroked my head softly.

Finally I said the first thing I could. “Edward- it hurts!” Then I went back to sobbing.

Edward breathed out slowly. “I know, love. I wanted to make sure it hurt, because I knew this hurt would be better than a greater hurt, a hurt that could harm you. I love you very much Bella. Your safety is more important to me than anything- more important than a night that could have been pleasant and fun for both of us, and didn’t require me so much discomfort.”

I bristled at that statement. “Caused you discomfort!” I exclaimed.

“Do you think this was fun for me?” he asked. “Do you think I want to bring you to a secluded space, during the only part of the day I can spend time completely alone with you, only to be forced to spend that time on discipline?” He half-laughed. “You got what you deserved tonight- what you needed. Like it or not, it was for your sake we had to go through this. I had to sacrifice a nice evening with the person I love and instead engage in unpleasant necessities!”

I knew he was right, that he had only done this because he loved me. But I was still crying and my bottom was still hurting unbearably. He wasn’t expecting gratitude, was he?

Apparently so.

“And that’s why I expect that during the next phase of your punishment that you will show me your appreciation” he continued.

“The next phase” I screamed. I began to weep in panic.

“Bella” Edward warned. “I’ll accept crying when you’re in pain, but this isn’t crying, this is complaining, and that will only get you an additional punishment.” He raised his hand in the air.

I tried to calm down. “Please” I begged. “I’m trying to clam down.” He gave me a moment.

When I was a little calmer, he stood me up. I wobbled at first but soon got my balance. He instructed me to pull up my jeans, and I lifted them gingerly over my bottom.

Edward pointed to a high desk in the corner of the room. It faced the wall and had a stool in front of it. There was a tablet and a pen.

He walked to the desk and wrote something at the top of the tablet. He returned to where I stood. “Go to the stool.” Edward commanded. “And copy what is at the top of that tablet one-hundred times. And you are to sit directly on that stool, no standing or half sitting, until your task is complete. And Bella” he added. “I will assume that young ladies who look behind them, or work too slowly, are thinking that perhaps they need to return to the couch.” He raised his eyes. “If you know what I mean.”

I walked to the stool and sat down. The fiery pain was renewed. All my weight was resting now on my very sore bottom, making the soreness and inflammation even tenderer. Tears flowed from my eyes. Edward would not have to make me hurry. I wanted off that stool.

I began to copy what was in front of me.

Thank you Edward, for spanking my bottom as it needed and deserved.

I trembled at the statement. I kept on writing, the pain from sitting on the stool serving as an incentive. But I was bitter. It was one thing to have to take a horrible punishment, but another thing to - while my bottom still smarted- have to boringly, repeatedly, thank him for the sting. I was angry, particularly because, although I couldn’t see him, I knew Edward was calm, even relaxed.

It took me a long time to finish, during which time I could feel my bottom stop throbbing and become like one huge bruise of soreness. I was exhausted.

Edward heard me stop writing. He walked to the desk and picked up the tablet. He glanced at it, and then handed it back to me.

“Read out loud a line to me” he said.

This was too much. But I was too tired and too sore not to comply. “Thank you Edward, for spanking my bottom as it needed and deserved.” I read. I didn’t whisper it like I thought I would. I was too worn-out.

Edward seemed satisfied. He placed his finger under my chin and drew my eyes towards his.

“I know you probably think me a cruel tyrant tonight. But this is what you needed. I had hoped the spanking I gave you before would be a one time event- that the shock would wake you up.” He sighed. “I can see now I was wrong. You need training. You need discipline. I’m sorry to say, I have a feeling we may be spending a lot of time down here in the next month or so.”

I began to whimper. “I promise I’ll be good Edward. I’ll stay safe, I’ll do as you say, okay?” I didn’t think I could handle another spanking.

“Okay, Bella. I hope for both our sakes you mean it.” And with that he carried me to the car and drove me home.

Twilight Fanfic 1

Anonymous posted this in the comments, so I thought I should make it an actual post. The other one will follow. Enjoy!

Darkened Moon of an ECLIPSE

Missing Part 1: Bella’s First Time

From ECLIPSE, Page 63….

“I’ll put your car back together in time for school, in case you’d like to drive yourself,” he assured me after a minute.

Rather abruptly, I felt myself moving, being lifted up and shifted by Edward. It seemed almost instantaneous, the second I realized I was moving and the second I found my nose staring at the driver’s seat of my car. I didn’t understand what was going on.

“I don’t want to hurt you Bella” Edward whispered. “I have no desire to cause you pain. But you can’t seem to grasp the danger involved here, and it’s clear to me that you need a bit of an incentive to keep yourself safe.”

Suddenly I realized the position he had placed me in. I attempted to move but he already had my back pinned down.

THWACK. My bottom felt as if it had been struck with a piece of thick wood. THWACK. THWACK.

“Edward!” I cried. “You can’t be serious!” Tears welled in my eyes. I tried to squirm but it was useless. I could hear his hand whistle through the air. THWACK. THWACK. THWACK.

“I’ve never been more serious in my life Bella” Edward replied. “I’ve asked you, pleaded with you, to take your own safety seriously. Obviously, reason and begging were not enough to convince you.”

THWACK. Edward’s hand continued to pound into my bottom. THWACK. THWACK! Despite his cold hands, my bottom felt warm- no hot. I began crying in earnest as the pain became more acute.


“This isn’t fair, Edward,” I pleaded. He responded by giving me another whack. “I didn’t agree to anything. I didn’t promise not to see him, Edward.”

I heard him take a breath, and then four hard whacks came one after the other. I began sobbing as he spoke.

“This isn’t up to you Bella. I told you it wasn’t safe, and that’s the end of the conversation.” He gave me another three spanks, causing me to cry out. “You are not going, you are not doing anything unsafe, and if you insist on sneaking around behind my back, I assure you, the only place I will allow you to get hurt is right here.” He accented the word “here” with another hard whack, and then ended his speech with a round of spanks that caused me to scream.


He gave me one more very hard whack, and then rested his hand on my bottom.

I could not stop bawling. Edward was silent as he left me there, over his knee, while I cried myself out. When I was mostly done, he moved me again, more slowly this time, till I was back seated in the driver’s seat. I flinched as my bottom touched the seat. I was sore.

“You will obey me from now on” Edward said. “You will not try to go to La Push again. And if you do anything that puts your safety in jeopardy again,” at this point, he put his finger under my chin and lifted my eyes to his, “I will spank you, hard.”

I was still sniveling, but made no reply. I was too afraid of a repeat performance.

Edward smiled slightly. “You are making quite the fuss for what was a rather moderate punishment. You would think you had never had a spanking before,” he added.

“I haven’t.” I answered, staring at him. He looked surprised.

“I guess it’s the times,” he sighed. “When I was raised mischievous little girls were given a good reminder of why to behave.”

“I’m eighteen!” I declared, and then began to cry again.

Edward paused until I was a bit more subdued. “Bella. Eighteen is not exactly the pinnacle of old age.” He looked into my eyes earnestly. “I am older and more experienced than you, and have seen a great deal more of life than you have. I think I know what’s best for you.” He waited till I looked back at him. “And, like it or not, if you act like a little girl, I’m going to punish you like a little girl. It’s for your own good, and, anyway, I’m not giving you a choice.” His face hardened. “I don’t suggest you test me on this, Bella.”

With my lips mashed together, I retrieved my keys and stiffly climbed out of the truck.
Go to page 64

Monday, March 9, 2009


I wish I were writing a post about all my glorious exploits from Shadow Lane and Las Vegas. I wish I had some exploits to write about. But I spent the entire weekend in my hotel room and I didn't play once, not even with M. Not once. And it sucked. I ventured out for the vendors' fair on Friday, the dinner on Saturday, and a lunch on Sunday: about an hour per day. Other than that I was stuck in our room, sick. I am really, really tired of being sick. It's ruining important events and getting in the way of my life, damn it.

I know I'm whining. I know lots of people who wanted to go to Vegas and couldn't go at all. I know lots of people who struggle with chronic illnesses far worse than mine. I am grateful for the loving support of my friends and my wonderful husband. Truly. But it still sucks to feel broken all the time.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

The Twilight of my Days

Sorry I've been so quiet lately. I've been struggling with some health things that are screwing up daily life, work, and other plans, so there hasn't been much time for posting. And though you'd *think* that would mean a halt to all things spanking in the house, it's been quite the opposite: M has taken to spanking me daily. I think it's his way of trying to make me feel more secure and loved in the midst of confusion and chaos. Which is a pretty good approach, actually.

But the real topic of this post is Twilight. When I first posted about the Twilight series, I had no idea what I was starting. Do you know that if you Google "Twilight spanking fanfic" that this blog comes up #4? "Edward spanking Bella" earns me #3. And a full third of the people who found me via search terms on the web came through some combination of "Edward," "Bella," "spanking," "Twilight," and "fanfiction."

Which means there is a serious dearth of Twilight fanfiction out there, people! I haven't written any: I've only written about my desire to read some. I shouldn't be famous for this! (No comments about what I *should* be famous for, thank you very much.) Get going!

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Choose your own ending

Assuming that my post from last night accurately reflected my feelings and some of what came out of my mouth, which story ending do you think is more plausible?


M snapped the laptop lid closed and stared sternly down at Iris. "Bed. Now." He put the laptop on the floor.

She closed her eyes and allowed him to pull her to her feet.

She trudged off to the bathroom and washed her face.

She changed into a nightie and slipped under the sheets.

When M came into the room to tuck her in, they had satisfying and delicious sex.

She drifted off to sleep happily.


"I SAID, 'I don't want to go to bed!'" she said. "And you're not my boss and you can't make me."

"Careful, little girl," he said, silkily. "I am your boss sometimes. And naughty little girls who don't take care of themselves definitely need bosses."

"Hmph!" She tossed her head and looked away, pouting. "Well, I'm not going to bed."

"Yes, you are."

"Says you."

"And my hairbrush."


"If that's the way you want it. OK."

"Hey, wait! Where are you going? No, I'm good, I'm good! I'm going to wash my face right now! Really! Come back!"

A mad scramble toward the bathroom door, interrupted by a determined M with something unpleasantly ebony-like in his hand.

Protests, pleas, and promises.

Deaf ears.

A sound hairbrushing over jeans, one party wordless, the other quite vocal.

A pause.

Sniffle. "I'm sorry."



"Can I go to bed now? I'm a good girl."

"Go wash your face."

A brief but productive interlude, wherein a face is washed.

M sitting on the bed, stony-faced.

Iris in a nightie, scooting under the covers.

"I'm sorry I was naughty. I love you."

"I love you too. And now I'm going to spank you."

"What?! But I already got spanked! No!"

"You got spanked for being disobedient and sassy. Now you're getting spanked for not taking care of yourself."

"But, but--"

More damn hairbrush.

And then sex.


So you think you know me, huh?

Well, smarty-pantses, it just so happens that the real ending was #1.

#2 was a fictional foray for your pleasure.

Monday, January 12, 2009

I do not want to go to bed.

I am not tired.

I am not grumpy.

I am not misbehaving.

I do not want to wash my face.

I do not want to put on pajamas.

I do not want to go to bed.

I do NOT want to be hairbrushed.


Thursday, January 1, 2009

For Kelly

...because she apparently shares my obsession. This is the best (and only) fanfic I've found.


Happy New Year, everyone!