Sunday, December 16, 2007

Iris Rule

Thanks to brilliant suggestions by Google and two wonderful women whose names start with S, I am making a list of new rules. Rules for tops. Especially tops whose names start with M or C--but feel free to apply them liberally in your own top situations.

Rule 1: No spankings allowed when the spankee is sick. This is cruel, unusual, and only makes me feel sicker longer. Which means that someone is prolonging my illness. Which is not a nice thing to do. But since some tops are sneaky, this also requires:

Rule 2: Spankings earned while someone is sick cannot be accrued or made worse because they are deferred. Basically, when I'm sick I get carte blanche to complain and not follow all the rules perfectly. Because I'm SICK, that's why.

Rule 3: No collusion between tops allowed. If one spanks me, no one else can spank me for earning a spanking from the first one. And no one can interfere with the punishment of another to add to it or make it worse. Tops should not talk amongst themselves unless one of them is convincing another to let me off the hook.

Rule 4: No new nasty implements allowed in the house. Not even if they're smuggled in in pretty wrapping paper and put under my Christmas tree. We have quite enough horrible things without adding to the collection. This includes anything made from ebony, rubber, lexan, dragon's anything, or exotic hardwoods. Lovely leather, especially from The London Tanners, is welcome.

Rule 5: All punishments must be agreed on ahead of time. This means no surprise consequences that were not publicized ahead of time. Like, for instance, being spanked for getting sunburned. Or finding out too late that not getting enough sleep while away on vacation counts as a spankable offense. All rules and corresponding punishments should be discussed and noted (preferably on paper) before they may be enforced.

This is all I can think of at the moment, but I am definitely open to suggestions from other non-tops. Additions, anyone?


BB said...

I like your rules. Can I steal em and give them to S? lol, I am sure I can come up with some more, but dont think they would work either. Thanks for a good laugh though.

Rose said...

Just a word of warning... As wonderful as the beautiful leather implements from The London Tanners may be, wicked tops can still make them evil. It is all in how they are used. Trust me. I learned that lesson the hard way...

sparkle said...

"Not even if they're smuggled in in pretty wrapping paper and put under my Christmas tree."

Um, nothing that *I* wrapped could possibly qualify. I can't speak for Chris, though - as you know, he's been known to do his own shopping.

I have to agree with you on the London Tanners thing, by the way. But I'd extend it because (as Rose said) they *can* be evil... London Tanner implements are permitted only if they are added by trading out an evil, noone-could-possibly-like-this implement. Like ebony hairbrushes.


Iris said...

BB, of course you can use the rules! They're meant to be universally applicable for the oppressed.

Rose, I understand what you mean about the bite of leather--particularly Ian's leather. But I'd still take that over an ebony hairbrushing any day.

And sparkle, my dear, don't you think you could do spot checks on the Christmas packages before they get loaded in the car? I love your idea about trading out evil things when new toys arrive. Might keep M's insatiable appetite for toys in check. :-D

Rose said...

Ah, I see what you mean now, Iris. Fortunately, we have no ebony hairbrush. And (knock on wood) Red seems to have forgotten about the bathbrush...

Raven said...

How 'bout something along the lines of implements should be used for their intended purpose only... hairbrushes are for brushing your beloved's hair, bath brushes are for treating her to a delightful bubble bath, spoons are for stirring, rulers for measuring, etc. ?

I mean, really, does everything in the house have to multi-task?!

Be blessed,

Iris said...

Ooooh! Good one, Raven! Canes are for support while walking, paddles are for churning butter or cutting bread, and straps are for sharpening razors and urging on horses.

I love it!