Through Iris Eyes

Nowhere to go

2010-09-06T15:51:00.000-07:00

*Cross-posted over at The Punishment Book*

I am only recently starting to get back my spanking mojo after an extended hiatus for pregnancy- and postpartum-related issues. Physically I was unable to bend over or absorb heavy blows when my belly got big enough, and then healing from my c-section meant that I was restricted for similar reasons. And emotionally/hormonally, I just wasn't there. Spanking didn't fire me up, intrigue me, or even really occur to me. Every once in a while I would think about it, but more in a passing sense. For a while I was ok with this break: I was exhausted, we had company, and the duties of motherhood and work were far more pressing.

After several months, though, I began to long for that part of myself. I missed the fire, the sparkle, the desire. I wanted to feel like me again. Still, nothing. I worried that motherhood had completely changed me, had replaced those fiery, sassy, desiring parts with nurturing, responsible, mechanical parts.

Then I had to take a two-day trip for work and I arranged to stay with some scene friends who live near the conference site. I got to enjoy a beautiful hour-long spanking that was heavy but didn't push my limits in any uncomfortable ways. It was perfect. It reassured me that I could still take a spanking--it reassured me that I still wanted to be spanked. It gave me a glimpse that I might still be me.

A big part of being me, however, is the punishment part. I am someone who needs to have limits, who wants to be disciplined, who must have a reason to be spanked. It has always frustrated me when I ask, "Why am I getting spanked?" and someone responds, "Because you need it," or just "Because." I've always known that I prefer to have an actual event or behavior that precipitates a spanking (though I can play for fun, it takes a conscious effort for me to put myself in the right frame of mind), but I thought it was because I wanted it to be logical, reasonable, contextual.

I don't misbehave (much) these days, though. I don't have the energy for it and frankly, M doesn't have the energy to punish me for it even when I stick a toenail across the line. We're both tired and I don't want to do something egregious in order to manipulate him into spanking me.

But I still want to be spanked. Which means that I can have spankings that are intense, but have no "reason" behind them. Having experienced a couple of them in the last two months, and finding them strangely lacking, I've given this a bit of thought. I first thought that perhaps my tolerance had dropped after the months-long moratorium on any play whatsoever. And it probably has.

But I've decided that the biggest factor is my brain. When I'm getting spanked, my brain needs a place to go. I can't shut it off: I need to engage it in some way. And punishment gives my brain something to experience while my body experiences the pain. A mental pillow to clutch. A way to make sense of the spanking. A way to transform the suffering into something useful (relaxation, release of emotions or stress, relinquishment of control).

When I'm being spanked hard for no reason, I can sometimes transcend the experience in a similar way, though the conditions are a little different. For those spankings I have to be eased into the intensity: start light, push the limits ever so slightly, back off, push again, back off, and I can eventually get to a place where I'm flying. The effect is then similar to the effects of a punishment, but it takes longer to get there. When it's punishment, when I don't have a choice (or when the agreement is that I've given up my choice), the intensity can start higher sooner because my brain has something to keep it occupied. But when intensity goes up without a reason and my brain is clutching around madly for a handhold (brainhold?), I can't cope as well and the effects aren't the same.

Which means, I guess, that I need spanking to engage all of me--I can't separate from my body and leave my brain with nowhere to go.

Hello, Dolly!

2010-06-26T20:18:00.001-07:00

Don't fall out of your seats, either of you who still check this blog. It really is a new post. With a new look.

When I last posted, I didn't know if maternity leave would give me more or less time for posting. Apparently it was the latter. Sorry.

There really wasn't much to report, though. I barely got spanked, barely sassed, barely had room in my brain for spankings, sex, or other fun things from my previous, pre-baby life. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE motherhood. It just...shifts things a little. The lack of sleep, the hormones, the fun side effects of surgery: they all collaborate to make spanking, sex, and fun a little less..well, fun.

In the last two weeks, however, I have been relieved to discover that I haven't lost those parts of me. They're not always accessible or convenient, but they're starting to re-emerge. M has spanked me a couple times. And I got a beautiful, intense, heavy, hour-long spanking when I went to visit some good friends this past week. Canes, hands, straps, floggers, the works. It's prideful, I know, but I'm also relieved that my tolerance hasn't gone away for good. I can still take a hell of a spanking. And quite frankly, I need it.

There are lots of posts about motherhood, spanking, my identity, and other things swirling around in my brain. I can't promise to post them soon, but hope they'll emerge over time.

In the meantime, it's just nice to have my brain and kink back where they belong.

Random Thoughts

2010-02-12T11:14:00.000-08:00

I've been a little intimidated by the length of time that's gone by since I last posted, but then I read sparkle's post from yesterday and realized that I could do something similar. So here we go:

-We have a new person in our house! Our son was born three weeks ago, after a fairly good pregnancy and a very complicated delivery. He spent the first few days of his life in the neonatal intensive care unit, but is doing just fine now. M and I are exhausted, but very much in love with him. My mom has been staying with us to help and she's been incredible, but it's still overwhelming.

-Punishment Book is 5 years old. What an amazing forum it has become, thanks in large part to Mija's persistence and leadership, her curiosity and boundless energy. The women she has united as authors are smart, articulate, funny, and creative; I am consistently awed and humbled by their thoughtfulness and intelligence.

-It has been a Long Time since I've been spanked. The last trimester of pregnancy is not terribly conducive to bending over or absorbing blows/spanks/swats of much vigor, and now I'm recovering from a c-section and it seems like it will be a Longer Time until I'm spankable. Someone else got spanked in our house a few days ago and I got to listen (and then see the results), which was lovely. But I miss that part of myself.

-I got a Valentine in the mail from a 6-year-old, with a chocolate heart that said "Hottie." Which kind of made my day, since I'm feeling anything but these days.

Since I'm home on maternity leave now, I may have more time for posting, so you may see more of me. On the other hand, I may have less time--my schedule is no longer my own. But I'm still here, plugging along, thinking about things, and gathering ideas.

Blast from the past

2009-10-17T17:31:00.001-07:00

I just posted over at Punishment Book for the first time in a looooong time. Go check it out: Blast from the past.

I Like Canes? (aka, Spanking and the Pregnant Girl)

2009-09-08T23:02:00.000-07:00

Who knew?

Well, I sort of knew. I knew that pregnancy could make one feel tired, nauseated, weepy, grumpy, horny, and hungry (sometimes all at once). I knew that pregnancy could radically change one's body type and shape (duh). I even knew that pregnancy hormones could make one's nose run, feet cramp, ankles swell, and hair grow. What I didn't know is that pregnancy could make me like canes.

Over the last five months I've been noting all the different changes in my body, from my suddenly bountiful breasts to my thickening waist and finally protruding belly. I've had little to no interest in spanking, but I attributed that to hormones and a pretty miserable first trimester, so M and I haven't played much for a long time.

When we first started thinking about having a baby, I met with my Ob/Gyn and asked her if it was safe to play while pregnant. She said it was fine as long as I was careful about any direct blows to my abdomen (which isn't really my kink anyway), so I definitely would have felt ok playing, but I didn't have the interest.

Cut to the Shadow Lane party this past weekend. I tend to play very hard, but since I haven't been spanked much lately I didn't know what my tolerance would be like. M and I talked about it and decided it would be easier for me to refrain from playing or only play lightly. Truthfully, I would have been fine to go without playing for the whole party (I've certainly done that before!), but then Bridget asked if she could spank me and I agreed.

We had to figure out a comfortable position for me, since I'm just getting to the point where I can't lie on my belly for too long, so we propped some pillows over the end of the sofa arm in Pablo and Mija's room. Bridget and I have played before, several times, and she knows which heavy strap is my favorite. After a very brief warm-up, she went right for the strap. Which hurt. A lot. At first I chalked it up to my lower pain threshold (getting waxed before the party almost had me in tears), but I still couldn't settle into the pain or relax into the strokes.

Finally, I had to give in. "I think I'm only good for a few more," I said.

Bridget nodded. "Can I give you a couple with the cane?" she asked.

I had to think about this for a moment. Normally I really don't like canes. But Bridget likes using them and I figured it couldn't hurt worse than the strap. Plus, for as much as my bottom was telling me the scene should be over, my head wasn't ready to have it end so quickly. So I agreed.

"Only a couple," I said.

She chose the thickest cane on the table (thoughtfully laid out by Pablo) and gave me one stroke. Not bad.

Another stroke. Still not bad.

Another stroke. Still not bad?

I was starting to realize that rather than tolerating the cane strokes, I was welcoming them. After those first three (interspersed with gentle cane tapping), Bridget dutifully stopped and checked in with me. "You can keep going," I said.

And she did. She tried several different canes on me, varying the intensity and speed--I ate it all up. I was finally getting to that pleasant place in my head, the floaty, warm place where I look forward to the next stroke. Yum...

After a bit, however, I think she got nervous about my sudden affinity for the cane and offered to finish the scene up with a few licks from the strap. I agreed, thinking that I was safe and floaty enough to welcome the familiar heavy thud. But it was horrible: sharp, biting, jarring. I found myself clenching my stomach muscles as I tensed for the next blow. She only gave me a handful of strokes with the strap, but I had to stop her quickly and ask for a few more cane strokes to finish.

I am more puzzled by this turn of events than any other single event, craving, feeling, or experience in my pregnancy thus far. Wine smells like paint thinner, pork makes me want to throw up, TV commercials make me cry, and canes make me purr.

Weird.

Vignettes

2009-05-04T20:49:00.000-07:00

Uhhh, sorry I've been gone for a while, guys. It's been pretty rough around here lately, which means that M has been focused on taking care of me in gentler ways than average.

But that doesn't mean that nothing goes on around here...

So here are a few vignettes from our life, with my apologies for the delay.

***
Last month, M and I went with a friend of ours to see Vivaldi's Motezuma. It was my first opera and it was beautiful, but all I could focus on was the spanking. No, not real spanking, darn it. But the main characters kept prancing around the stage with "weapons" that were supposed to be some kind of Aztec throwback but were actually giant paddles. Seriously, my friends. Giant paddles. And the father figure threatened his daughter with the paddle if she didn't do what he wanted. (He was really threatening her with death, but whatever. Spanking, death. You know.) It was wonderful.

***
This weekend we went hiking in Yosemite National Park, which was amazing. At the end of one of our hikes, we came back to the trailhead and saw a small knot of people standing there. Two vanilla acquaintances hushed us as we greeted them and said, "Shhhhh, there's a bear over there." Hey, don't look at me! I was good! I stood at a respectful, safe, appropriate distance from the bear and tried to take a picture with the zoom. Which wasn't very good, but I was prepared to be satisfied with that. Until the girl turned to her boyfriend and said, "Watch the backpack. I'm going to go closer and try to get a better picture." He said, "No. It's not safe." And she ignored him. [grin] Being the responsible, good girl that I am, I turned to M and said, "Is it ok if I just go over there behind that big rock and try to get a better picture, as long as I stay there and don't bug the bear?" And he said, "Yes." So I did. And I stayed put and stayed respectful to the bear. But our vanilla friend, who joined me, was clearly in defiance of her boyfriend. The poor guy was clearly not toppy enough to stop her (since he thought it was too dangerous), so even though she and I both made it back completely safely, M and I had a lot of fun thinking about how our kind would have handled her defiance.

***

Miss Lily managed to get herself a sunburn last week, which is something she (and possibly someone else in the household) has been spanked for before. So she got spanked again and I got to watch. It was lovely... M spanked her hard, but not too hard (pout)--she has such a lovely bottom and it's even lovelier when it's pink.

***

I was given a reading assignment over the weekend, to read X pages of a book M bought for me about grad schools. Like a good girl I finished the reading, but you should have heard his dire threats, whispered in my ear: "If you don't read all those pages, I'm going to spank you every night for a week. And I'm not going to go lightly on you just because you're sore. I'm going to hairbrush your bottom very hard every night, little girl." [shiver, yum]

Do You Like It?

2009-04-01T20:20:00.000-07:00

Adele Haze posted this, but in case you missed it there, enjoy it here:

do you enjoy spanking?
by dailybedpost

A present

2009-03-28T11:37:00.000-07:00

Guess what arrived in the mail for M yesterday?

A big box of gingersnap cookies from sparkle.

Hm.

Now why would she send them to M, do you think?

Twilight #2

2009-03-11T19:32:00.000-07:00

For your reading pleasure, again from Anonymous...

A Chemistry Reaction

After chapter 3, before chapter 4

Tuesday after school, Edward and I got in his car. He drove a few minutes and then spoke.

“Do you mind if we go to my home for a while?” he asked.

“I have to cook for Charlie” I answered automatically. “What’s up?”

“Nothing” he replied and shrugged. “Just a change of pace.”

We drove on a few more minutes, listening to the radio.

“How about after dinner?” Edward asked.

“How about what after dinner?” I replied

“After dinner, could we go to my home?” he said.

“Sure.” I said. “Any reason you’re anxious to bring me to your home?” Something didn’t feel right.

He shrugged again. “More privacy” he responded. I’d like to spend time with you, sans Charlie.”

“OK, sure. Fine, great” I answered. But I knew that wasn’t all of it. And besides, wasn’t his family there? How alone could we be? Still, I tossed it off. It probably was something unimportant. Edward often over-reacted.

At my house I cooked for Charlie, something easy, and started on my homework. I could tell Edward really wanted to get going, because he practically did my homework for me, and he never does that. We were finally headed towards his house, when I asked again what was wrong. His hands tightened around the steering wheel.

“Is it Victoria?” I panicked.

“No” he said. “It seems you don’t need Victoria.”

I was going to ask him what he meant as we pulled into the driveway, but almost instantly he was opening the car door and carrying me out of the car. He traveled so fast it was like a blur, through the garage and into a room I’d never seen. He put me down and closed the door.

I noticed the walls were mirrored, and there were several different types of musical equipment, plus a couch.

“A music studio?” I asked.

“My music studio” he answered. “It’s soundproof, even for most vampires.”

“It’s great,” I answered, but I could tell we weren’t here so he could play me a new composition. He sighed and lay back on the couch.

“As I was saying,” he replied, “You don’t seem to need Victoria. You’ll be happy to kill yourself just by attending high school.”

I looked at him incredulously for a minute, and then I knew.

AP Chemistry.

Both Edward and I were in a specialized chemistry class with an intricate lab. Today, Edward was not actually in class with me, having been pulled out for some generic senior activity done one homeroom at a time. So I had done the lab without my usual partner.

And without my safety goggles.

Now, half the class was constantly taking off their goggles- despite threats of detention- which were never carried out- mostly because the goggles were annoying, hideous, and left marks around one’s face for an hour. But Edward insisted I wear my goggles, even though he often left his on the top of his head.

“How did you know?” I asked

“Mike Newton replayed the incident at least one hundred times in his head.”

It was worse than I thought. I had almost spilled a chemical, and Mike’s quick gloved hands kept it from hitting me in the face. Edward knew I had almost got burned.

“Edward..” I began.

“I don’t want to hear it,” he replied. “We’ve been through this, and I know you know I’m right.” He pinched the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger and took a deep breath. I could tell he was trying to clam himself

He sighed and continued, “I’m guessing though, that my warning about what I would do if you put your safety in jeopardy again was not taken seriously enough. So here we are.”

At first I didn’t follow. Then I realized what he meant, and instantly, my hands jumped to cover my bottom.

“Oh, so you remembered after all.”

“Edward” I pleaded, “I’ll never do it again.”

“After tonight, I would guess not.” He sat up straight, and took a deep breath. “Okay Bella. Come stand by my side and pull your jeans down to your knees.”

“What?” I cried.

“Bella!” His face was stern. “Obey me at once.”

I shook my head and kept my hands on my bottom.

“Bella” he nearly whispered. “I am not going to tell you again. But let me make this clear. Tonight was supposed to be a reminder of the importance of your safety. But if necessary..” his eyes stared through me. “we can make this night about the importance of instant obedience, after the first lesson is done.”

I knew he was not going to back down. I walked slowly to his side. I took a deep swallow, and lowered my jeans. Tears came to my eyes. I looked at him pleadingly.

In a heartbeat, I was over his knee.

At the first spank I knew my last punishment was light. He walloped into me again and again, and I began to feel panic mingled with pain. This one was really going to hurt.

I was crying as I began to beg. “I’ll never do it again Edward. It was stupid and thoughtless and I promise I’ll never do it again.” I wasn’t sure he could even hear me over the spanks.

He came down hard and fast, right at the center of my bottom, almost touching my thighs. He kept on and on until I was sobbing openly. I could feel the blood rushing to my cheeks. Then he switched places.

Edward chose a spot, spanked it seven or eight times fast, so fast it felt like the spot was on fire. Then he chose another spot and did it again. Another spot and he did it again. He must have done at least twelve different spots, and then I screamed. My bottom was one big flame.

He went back to the lower center and began to spank over and over until I began to think he would never stop. I was weeping so hard I could barely speak.

“Please Edward. Please, oh please, I will never ever do anything unsafe again! Never!” I began to cry harder, not even knowing that crying harder was possible.

Edward was unmoved. He continued to spank the center of my bottom. He no longer moved quickly, but methodically, as if his spanks were timed with my heartbeat. He spanked me ten, then twenty, then thirty times, yet still continued systematically.

“Please, Edward your hurting me so much! Please no more, please no more” I pleaded

Edward continued to spank, not even missing one beat. “Believe it or not Bella, this hurts me more than it hurts you” he answered, as he carried on my punishment.

I continued to cry, as I turned my head sideways.

Two mirrors had formed a double reflection, and I found I could actually see myself getting spanked. Though I still wore my white cotton panties, I could see a red blush shining through them, with red skin peeking out of the sides and bottom. Edward’s face was set down with a look of pure concentration, as he stared at my bottom, giving it smack after smack.

My bottom could not take any more. Surely Edward would see that. Surely he would stop. But time meant nothing to a vampire. I could see it in his face as he spanked again and again. He was so determined. And I knew then that I would not get myself in this position again. I would stay safe. I would do as Edward told me. I would do anything not to go through this again.

Then I began to get anxious. Perhaps he would never stop. His hand would never begin to hurt; his arm would never begin to tire.

I was howling out of control. The pain was so bad I began to feel only my bottom, which seemed to nearly grow under Edward’s hand. The rest of me seemed to melt away. I could not stop crying long enough to even plead for him to stop.

And then the spanking ended.

I could tell that Edward was no longer smacking my bottom, but I was still crying fitfully. I could feel my bottom pulsating, the blood rushing, and the pain almost cycling, as if I was still being spanked. My bottom felt like one huge swollen blister that throbbed and burned.

Edward talked as I wept.

“I don’t know what else I need to do to impress upon you the importance of safety.”

I continued to cry in reply.

“I’d like you to remember that if the chemicals had ended up in your face, the pain might have been a lot like this.”

Although I was still crying I tried to nod my head, to show him I was listening. He seemed to understand.

“Only then, it wouldn’t be a pain that would go away in a while, and leave you uninjured. It could have caused you to have gone blind, been disfigured, perhaps even unable to breathe.”

I kept on crying, still unable to talk. He stroked my head softly.

Finally I said the first thing I could. “Edward- it hurts!” Then I went back to sobbing.

Edward breathed out slowly. “I know, love. I wanted to make sure it hurt, because I knew this hurt would be better than a greater hurt, a hurt that could harm you. I love you very much Bella. Your safety is more important to me than anything- more important than a night that could have been pleasant and fun for both of us, and didn’t require me so much discomfort.”

I bristled at that statement. “Caused you discomfort!” I exclaimed.

“Do you think this was fun for me?” he asked. “Do you think I want to bring you to a secluded space, during the only part of the day I can spend time completely alone with you, only to be forced to spend that time on discipline?” He half-laughed. “You got what you deserved tonight- what you needed. Like it or not, it was for your sake we had to go through this. I had to sacrifice a nice evening with the person I love and instead engage in unpleasant necessities!”

I knew he was right, that he had only done this because he loved me. But I was still crying and my bottom was still hurting unbearably. He wasn’t expecting gratitude, was he?

Apparently so.

“And that’s why I expect that during the next phase of your punishment that you will show me your appreciation” he continued.

“The next phase” I screamed. I began to weep in panic.

“Bella” Edward warned. “I’ll accept crying when you’re in pain, but this isn’t crying, this is complaining, and that will only get you an additional punishment.” He raised his hand in the air.

I tried to calm down. “Please” I begged. “I’m trying to clam down.” He gave me a moment.

When I was a little calmer, he stood me up. I wobbled at first but soon got my balance. He instructed me to pull up my jeans, and I lifted them gingerly over my bottom.

Edward pointed to a high desk in the corner of the room. It faced the wall and had a stool in front of it. There was a tablet and a pen.

He walked to the desk and wrote something at the top of the tablet. He returned to where I stood. “Go to the stool.” Edward commanded. “And copy what is at the top of that tablet one-hundred times. And you are to sit directly on that stool, no standing or half sitting, until your task is complete. And Bella” he added. “I will assume that young ladies who look behind them, or work too slowly, are thinking that perhaps they need to return to the couch.” He raised his eyes. “If you know what I mean.”

I walked to the stool and sat down. The fiery pain was renewed. All my weight was resting now on my very sore bottom, making the soreness and inflammation even tenderer. Tears flowed from my eyes. Edward would not have to make me hurry. I wanted off that stool.

I began to copy what was in front of me.

Thank you Edward, for spanking my bottom as it needed and deserved.

I trembled at the statement. I kept on writing, the pain from sitting on the stool serving as an incentive. But I was bitter. It was one thing to have to take a horrible punishment, but another thing to - while my bottom still smarted- have to boringly, repeatedly, thank him for the sting. I was angry, particularly because, although I couldn’t see him, I knew Edward was calm, even relaxed.

It took me a long time to finish, during which time I could feel my bottom stop throbbing and become like one huge bruise of soreness. I was exhausted.

Edward heard me stop writing. He walked to the desk and picked up the tablet. He glanced at it, and then handed it back to me.

“Read out loud a line to me” he said.

This was too much. But I was too tired and too sore not to comply. “Thank you Edward, for spanking my bottom as it needed and deserved.” I read. I didn’t whisper it like I thought I would. I was too worn-out.

Edward seemed satisfied. He placed his finger under my chin and drew my eyes towards his.

“I know you probably think me a cruel tyrant tonight. But this is what you needed. I had hoped the spanking I gave you before would be a one time event- that the shock would wake you up.” He sighed. “I can see now I was wrong. You need training. You need discipline. I’m sorry to say, I have a feeling we may be spending a lot of time down here in the next month or so.”

I began to whimper. “I promise I’ll be good Edward. I’ll stay safe, I’ll do as you say, okay?” I didn’t think I could handle another spanking.

“Okay, Bella. I hope for both our sakes you mean it.” And with that he carried me to the car and drove me home.

Twilight Fanfic 1

2009-03-11T19:30:00.000-07:00

Anonymous posted this in the comments, so I thought I should make it an actual post. The other one will follow. Enjoy!

Darkened Moon of an ECLIPSE

Missing Part 1: Bella’s First Time

From ECLIPSE, Page 63….

“I’ll put your car back together in time for school, in case you’d like to drive yourself,” he assured me after a minute.

Rather abruptly, I felt myself moving, being lifted up and shifted by Edward. It seemed almost instantaneous, the second I realized I was moving and the second I found my nose staring at the driver’s seat of my car. I didn’t understand what was going on.

“I don’t want to hurt you Bella” Edward whispered. “I have no desire to cause you pain. But you can’t seem to grasp the danger involved here, and it’s clear to me that you need a bit of an incentive to keep yourself safe.”

Suddenly I realized the position he had placed me in. I attempted to move but he already had my back pinned down.

THWACK. My bottom felt as if it had been struck with a piece of thick wood. THWACK. THWACK.

“Edward!” I cried. “You can’t be serious!” Tears welled in my eyes. I tried to squirm but it was useless. I could hear his hand whistle through the air. THWACK. THWACK. THWACK.

“I’ve never been more serious in my life Bella” Edward replied. “I’ve asked you, pleaded with you, to take your own safety seriously. Obviously, reason and begging were not enough to convince you.”

THWACK. Edward’s hand continued to pound into my bottom. THWACK. THWACK! Despite his cold hands, my bottom felt warm- no hot. I began crying in earnest as the pain became more acute.

THWACK. THWACK.

“This isn’t fair, Edward,” I pleaded. He responded by giving me another whack. “I didn’t agree to anything. I didn’t promise not to see him, Edward.”

I heard him take a breath, and then four hard whacks came one after the other. I began sobbing as he spoke.

“This isn’t up to you Bella. I told you it wasn’t safe, and that’s the end of the conversation.” He gave me another three spanks, causing me to cry out. “You are not going, you are not doing anything unsafe, and if you insist on sneaking around behind my back, I assure you, the only place I will allow you to get hurt is right here.” He accented the word “here” with another hard whack, and then ended his speech with a round of spanks that caused me to scream.

THWACK! THWACK!

He gave me one more very hard whack, and then rested his hand on my bottom.

I could not stop bawling. Edward was silent as he left me there, over his knee, while I cried myself out. When I was mostly done, he moved me again, more slowly this time, till I was back seated in the driver’s seat. I flinched as my bottom touched the seat. I was sore.

“You will obey me from now on” Edward said. “You will not try to go to La Push again. And if you do anything that puts your safety in jeopardy again,” at this point, he put his finger under my chin and lifted my eyes to his, “I will spank you, hard.”

I was still sniveling, but made no reply. I was too afraid of a repeat performance.

Edward smiled slightly. “You are making quite the fuss for what was a rather moderate punishment. You would think you had never had a spanking before,” he added.

“I haven’t.” I answered, staring at him. He looked surprised.

“I guess it’s the times,” he sighed. “When I was raised mischievous little girls were given a good reminder of why to behave.”

“I’m eighteen!” I declared, and then began to cry again.

Edward paused until I was a bit more subdued. “Bella. Eighteen is not exactly the pinnacle of old age.” He looked into my eyes earnestly. “I am older and more experienced than you, and have seen a great deal more of life than you have. I think I know what’s best for you.” He waited till I looked back at him. “And, like it or not, if you act like a little girl, I’m going to punish you like a little girl. It’s for your own good, and, anyway, I’m not giving you a choice.” His face hardened. “I don’t suggest you test me on this, Bella.”

With my lips mashed together, I retrieved my keys and stiffly climbed out of the truck.
Go to page 64

Broken

2009-03-09T11:26:00.000-07:00

I wish I were writing a post about all my glorious exploits from Shadow Lane and Las Vegas. I wish I had some exploits to write about. But I spent the entire weekend in my hotel room and I didn't play once, not even with M. Not once. And it sucked. I ventured out for the vendors' fair on Friday, the dinner on Saturday, and a lunch on Sunday: about an hour per day. Other than that I was stuck in our room, sick. I am really, really tired of being sick. It's ruining important events and getting in the way of my life, damn it.

I know I'm whining. I know lots of people who wanted to go to Vegas and couldn't go at all. I know lots of people who struggle with chronic illnesses far worse than mine. I am grateful for the loving support of my friends and my wonderful husband. Truly. But it still sucks to feel broken all the time.

The Twilight of my Days

2009-02-03T20:06:00.001-08:00

Sorry I've been so quiet lately. I've been struggling with some health things that are screwing up daily life, work, and other plans, so there hasn't been much time for posting. And though you'd *think* that would mean a halt to all things spanking in the house, it's been quite the opposite: M has taken to spanking me daily. I think it's his way of trying to make me feel more secure and loved in the midst of confusion and chaos. Which is a pretty good approach, actually.

But the real topic of this post is Twilight. When I first posted about the Twilight series, I had no idea what I was starting. Do you know that if you Google "Twilight spanking fanfic" that this blog comes up #4? "Edward spanking Bella" earns me #3. And a full third of the people who found me via search terms on the web came through some combination of "Edward," "Bella," "spanking," "Twilight," and "fanfiction."

Which means there is a serious dearth of Twilight fanfiction out there, people! I haven't written any: I've only written about my desire to read some. I shouldn't be famous for this! (No comments about what I *should* be famous for, thank you very much.) Get going!

Choose your own ending

2009-01-13T18:36:00.000-08:00

Assuming that my post from last night accurately reflected my feelings and some of what came out of my mouth, which story ending do you think is more plausible?

ENDING 1:

M snapped the laptop lid closed and stared sternly down at Iris. "Bed. Now." He put the laptop on the floor.

She closed her eyes and allowed him to pull her to her feet.

She trudged off to the bathroom and washed her face.

She changed into a nightie and slipped under the sheets.

When M came into the room to tuck her in, they had satisfying and delicious sex.

She drifted off to sleep happily.

ENDING 2

"I SAID, 'I don't want to go to bed!'" she said. "And you're not my boss and you can't make me."

"Careful, little girl," he said, silkily. "I am your boss sometimes. And naughty little girls who don't take care of themselves definitely need bosses."

"Hmph!" She tossed her head and looked away, pouting. "Well, I'm not going to bed."

"Yes, you are."

"Says you."

"And my hairbrush."

"Hmph!"

"If that's the way you want it. OK."

"Hey, wait! Where are you going? No, I'm good, I'm good! I'm going to wash my face right now! Really! Come back!"

A mad scramble toward the bathroom door, interrupted by a determined M with something unpleasantly ebony-like in his hand.

Protests, pleas, and promises.

Deaf ears.

A sound hairbrushing over jeans, one party wordless, the other quite vocal.

A pause.

Sniffle. "I'm sorry."

"Good."

Quiet.

"Can I go to bed now? I'm a good girl."

"Go wash your face."

A brief but productive interlude, wherein a face is washed.

M sitting on the bed, stony-faced.

Iris in a nightie, scooting under the covers.

"I'm sorry I was naughty. I love you."

"I love you too. And now I'm going to spank you."

"What?! But I already got spanked! No!"

"You got spanked for being disobedient and sassy. Now you're getting spanked for not taking care of yourself."

"But, but--"

More damn hairbrush.

And then sex.

**********

So you think you know me, huh?

Well, smarty-pantses, it just so happens that the real ending was #1.

#2 was a fictional foray for your pleasure.

I do not want to go to bed.

2009-01-12T22:13:00.000-08:00

I am not tired.

I am not grumpy.

I am not misbehaving.

I do not want to wash my face.

I do not want to put on pajamas.

I do not want to go to bed.

I do NOT want to be hairbrushed.

I SAID...

For Kelly

2009-01-01T20:03:00.000-08:00

...because she apparently shares my obsession. This is the best (and only) fanfic I've found.

Incentive

Happy New Year, everyone!

A great one has fallen

2008-12-23T20:46:00.000-08:00

I was heartbroken to learn that my dear friend Vince, one of the founders of Chicago Crimson Moon, died last night after suffering a massive heart attack this weekend.

I join many across the country in mourning the loss of this generous, gregarious, wonderful man. He was a gentleman, a joker, and a dyed-in-the-wool spanko. He welcomed many into the spanking world with graciousness and good cheer and he will be remembered with fondness by many.

Love you, Vince.

Fried to a crisp

2008-12-19T08:49:00.000-08:00

More Fun with Google

2008-12-10T20:37:00.001-08:00

It's been a while since I went through the search terms that led you poor hapless suckers here. So let's review, shall we? :-D

edward spanking bella Oh God, I hope so. Seriously, if you find some good spanking fanfic, would you pass it on? Because I have Googled long and hard and not found anything decent.

pajama spankings These are the really serious kind. When cotton takes on cotton.

"spanked on weddind night" Spellcheck much?

need good old fashioned spanking, over the knee You and a whole lotta other people, my friend.

outside of the iris eye is not round Uh, I'm not sure, but I'm guessing this isn't what you were looking for, huh?

slippered my bottom hurts Hey! Mine too!

spanked and dragged to bed Spanked and sent to bed--Yes. Spanked and dragged to bed--a little too Caveman for my tastes.

spanking ow! Only if you do it right, darlin'.

youtube - through the eyes of love Again, this site was probably not the searcher's target...

spanking when hormonal Sometimes hormones make you want to spank, sometimes they make you want to be spanked. But spanking and hormones should only be mixed by trained professionals. Don't say I didn't warn you.

And my personal favorite:
trough iris eyes Which are really, really, really deep blue eyes. ;-)

Sometimes

2008-12-07T10:11:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I want to be spanked.

And sometimes I don't.

Sometimes I want to be held accountable by a stern, loving, unyielding external force.

And sometimes I just want to make my own decisions.

Sometimes I want to be a little girl, petted and cuddled and swatted for being naughty.

And sometimes I need to be a grown up.

Lately I've been feeling more like the latter of all these pairs. It's not that I've lost interest in spanking, more that my interest is captured elsewhere. We also had a lot to do for the wedding and parties, so I've been highly organized and responsible for the last while and it's getting to feel like a habit. When M has threatened to spank me or has given me rules lately, I shrug and do what he wants--not so much from submission as from an innate knowing that he's right. I don't feel the need to be naughty or willful or even to ask outright for a spanking. Just don't need it now.

I'm not worried about having lost my spanking mojo: there are always ebbs and flows in spanking desire. Being in an ebb means that other things get done. Being in a flow means lots of spanking. [grin]

Besides, how long do you really think I can be good, even if it's genuine?

Chris, step away from the Barbie doll

2008-11-29T17:39:00.000-08:00

Chris, sparkle, and their princess came down to see us today. It was a lovely visit and we had much more of a chance to talk than we did at the wedding. (Weddings, particularly your own, are ridiculously bad times to try to catch up with people.) M took the princess skateboarding and then sparkle gave her a bath while Chris spanked me with two hairbrushes and M watched. And I wasn't even bad! Chris said it was just to remind me that he cares about me; I hmphed and requested that he care about me a little more with his hand and a little less with the ebony brush.

The point of this post, however, is to highlight a fabulous new doll that their princess got for her birthday. The princess certainly loves it, but Chris couldn't seem to stop playing with it.

It looks innocuous, doesn't it?

The secret to this Barbie is that her tail moves backward when you push little invisible buttons in her hips.

And it rather looks like she's trying to spank herself. Or maybe that's just us. ;-)

Obsession

2008-11-28T20:07:00.000-08:00

It started innocently enough.

I needed something to read on the honeymoon and hadn't packed any books before leaving Los Angeles. So in the airport on the first leg of the honeymoon trip, we stopped in Borders so I could browse and find something interesting. Half an hour later, M had three books picked out and I was still dithering. I wanted something light and amusing, but not so light that I would devour the entire thing before landing in St. Lucia.

Finally, at Mark's insistence, I settled on The Other Boleyn Girl and The Little Lady Agency.

Oh, and this book:

Oh.

My.

God.

I had no idea what I was buying. I had some vague notion that it was coming out as a movie and I saw someone reading it at the place I go to get waxed. But I didn't know it was about vampires and love and desire. Didn't know that it has a screaming teenage girl fan base. Didn't know that said movie would gross over $70 million in the first weekend.

I didn't know it was so ridiculously hot.

I was panting with desire at parts of the book, so unbearably turned on that I wanted to close the book and tackle M, but so hooked in that I couldn't stand to be separated from the story.

I finished the entire damn thing on the plane and in the hotel in Miami (our layover). The next day, I told M that we weren't flying anywhere until I got the other books in the series. This is no small commitment, since there are four books in the series. Each is about three inches thick. The last two only come in hardcover. And I didn't care: I had to finish them.

Now, I've never been a vampire lit fan. I've never read any of Anne Rice's stuff, never really found vampires sexy or alluring. But this little series has converted me. The funny thing is that there's almost nothing overtly sexual about the romance between Bella and Edward. For the first three books it's almost platonic: he won't kiss her and he flat out refuses to have sex with her. She pines and lusts for him (in subtle language that skirts the issue), but nothing happens. From all the reviews I've read, this point makes the series especially popular with mothers of teenagers, who want the abstinence message to come across loud and clear.

Yet even with all the innuendo and subtlety and non-action, these books are HOT. Edward is solicitous of Bella, but glowers when she is unsafe and scolds her soundly when she puts herself in danger. Delicious. There are scenes in all four books that just beg to be extended, for Edward to put Bella over his knee and spank her soundly. She is feisty, but also submissive. Delicious.

If you're wondering, yes, it was the perfect reading material for our honeymoon. The fires burned long and bright and hot.

And I don't care if I have the same taste in literature as a 13-year-old.

Post-Wedding Bliss

2008-11-23T13:59:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone!

We're back. We're tired, jet-lagged, not ready for work tomorrow, and still reeling from the whirlwind of activities, but we're back. In a nutshell: The wedding was gorgeous and went off with no major catastrophes and plenty of lovely memories. The honeymoon in St. Lucia was an adventure, though also romantic and beautiful. The California reception yesterday was festive and fun with people we didn't see at the wedding.

I managed to be married for almost a full week before earning my first hairbrushing. :-) I'll spare you the gory details, but suffice to say that the St. Lucian sun is a bit stronger than I thought.

Thank you for all the good wishes and notes over the last month. The experience has been wonderful, but we are more than content to settle into married life without the extra drama of wedding-, travel-, and reception-planning. I'm especially looking forward to getting back into online life and having the time to read blogs and post here.

Pre-Wedded Bliss

2008-10-12T18:44:00.000-07:00

I wish I had lots of kinky things to report from our household. After all, we are a young, healthy, kinky, soon-to-be-wed couple with a kinky girlfriend. We should be reveling in the excitement and love bubble, but instead we're caught between the extremely mundane (work, housecleaning, daily meal preparation, family obligations) and the temporarily insane (thank you notes, last minute decisions, tuxedo comparisons, floral options, indecisive guests). All of which conspire to divert our attention from each other and, ahem, more interesting pursuits. We've managed to entertain ourselves and stay connected, but there's been no interesting misbehavior on which to report. No sexy romps or spankings. No serious strappings or hairbrushings or paddlings. A few smacks here and there, but nothing blog-worthy.

I'm sorry, my friends. I don't expect you'll hear much from me in the next couple months. The glorious date is November 8th, and I'll be pretty busy from now until then. We arrive back from the honeymoon about 36 hours before our California reception, the Saturday before Thanksgiving. But rest assured, as soon as I'm feeling back in form I'll do something spunky and sassy and bratty and we'll be back in business. :-)

Go!

2008-10-02T16:44:00.001-07:00

Advice, Please

2008-09-13T12:20:00.000-07:00

Thank you all for the wonderful marriage/sex/kinky advice. I'm sure we'll, um, use all of your suggestions in one way or another. :-)

Anyway, I need help on a more serious front. M and I have a dear friend who has agreed to be our iPod DJ for the reception, but I have to help her make up the playlist. I'm seeking ideas for the dinner playlist and the after-dinner-dancing playlist. Dinner music will be Michael Buble/ Frank Sinatra/ jazzy-ish. After dinner, anything goes.

We need to fill up several hours with music, so I'd appreciate any and all ideas. sparkle suggested that we take our top ten or twenty favorites and make them into an iTunes playlist, so maybe we can do that.

SL08: Marriage Advice

2008-09-11T12:10:00.000-07:00

My bestest sparkle threw an absolutely delightful shower/bachelorette party for me during the weekend in Vegas. We had wine, cheese, really good cookies, and a whole cheesecake from The Cheesecake Factory. Delicious.

I am truly not a shower-games kind of girl, but sparkle planned two fun games and came prepared with prizes for the winners. She also had a tiara for me that is VERY sparkly and says Bachelorette on it and a magic wand with a double sided star for bopping people; one side says Good Girl and the other says Bad Girl. Very fun.

One of the games she made up involved a series of 3x5 cards with questions printed on them. Guests at the party were each given three and had to write answers/advice designed to be thought- and laughter-provoking. (In a future post I may show evidence of the prize given to those who provoked a laugh from me.)

I thought you might be interested in adding your sage advice to the wisdom of those who were there, so I've reproduced some of the questions below. (To truly recreate the atmosphere and give the best advice possible, you may need a couple glasses of wine and something sparkly to wear on your head.)

1.) I really need to make him laugh. What can I do to amuse him?

2.) I really need to cry and it's not his fault. Why should I burden him with my drama?

3.) What came first--the sperm or the egg? And why should I not get to orgasm as much as possible?

4.) I really need to sleep. What can I do so he'll keep his hands to himself?

5.) He thinks I need some time in the corner. What can I do to keep him from getting bored while I'm there?

6.) Do you know how turned on I would be if he ran the vacuum? How can I convince him?

7.) Wine would stain the bed cover. What can I put on my body that he'll lick off?

8.) Some people don't know when to leave after a dinner invitation. What polite thing can I say to make them go away before my bedtime spanking?

8.5) Some people I don't want to leave after dinner. What can I say so they'll stay past my bedtime spanking--without pajamas?

9.) If I don't spank someone I'm going to scream. What can I do to get him to bend over and take it like a big boy?

10.) I'm hormonal and crying at Cheerios commercials. Should I buy a stock of home pregnancy tests yet?

11.) My bottom is bruised and sore. What can I do to get some sympathy around here?

12.) I really want to have sex. What can I do to interest him?

12.5.) I really need a spanking. What can I do to interest him?

Any and all answers are welcome, but especially funny ones!

SL08: Shower Teaser

2008-09-03T21:35:00.000-07:00

I don't have time to write a full or proper post tonight. Work is hell lately and my soon-to-be-in-laws returned from six weeks in Africa to have dinner and spend the night tonight. M is already in bed (at 9:30 and before me, for possibly the first time in our entire relationship) and I am following him. Still, I thought you'd like to see the top I wore on Sunday for the shower that sparkle organized for me. Fitting, don't you think?

SL08: Calibration

2008-09-02T18:08:00.001-07:00

A mini-story from the party this weekend:

On Saturday afternoon, we were lounging in Pablo and Mija's room with Chris, sparkle, and Bridget. I was lying face down on a bed and M was sort-of spanking me. By "sort-of spanking me," I mean, "we were all talking and he was hitting me with a cane (lightly) and a strap, though it didn't interrupt the conversation at all."

At some point in the afternoon I made a comment about how I'd never actually been slippered, but was curious. Pablo sighed, stood up, crossed the room to the bedside dresser, and pulled out a slipper, noting that I "really shouldn't make comments like that." (Grin.) I invited him to try it on me.

He hesitated.

"I don't know that I'm really calibrated for you," he said.

It took me a moment to realize what he meant.

I have noted, here and elsewhere, that I have an extremely high pain tolerance, particularly if I'm in the right mood. And I am not particularly vocal during a spanking. I'm not sure if this is natural, prideful, or a function of living in apartments and other close quarters. Whatever the reason, I don't tend to squeal or yelp or cry out much, even when the sensation is intense.

My dear friends sparkle, Mija, and Bridget, on the other hand, are squealers, yelpers, and criers out. Emphatically so.

I bent over and put my elbows on the bed. Paul took aim and whacked my jeans-covered bottom with the slipper. I took a sharp breath. He whacked me again, on the other cheek. I exhaled sharply. Someone in the room said, "Did you even feel those?" M said, "Oh, she felt that alright."

See, M is calibrated to my responses.* He could read my body language and breath from all the way across the room. As he said later, "That slippering made you hurt more than anything I've seen in a long time. It really made you have to hold on, didn't it?"

Um, yeah. A lot.

All in all, Pablo probably gave me 10-15 swats (M's estimate--I can't remember the count). And I really did have to hold on. Even though it was not a punishment, even though my bottom was protected through thick denim. It hurt and burned sharply, but I didn't say much beyond, "ooh" and "ow." I winced a bit but didn't claw at the air or stand up.

And according to most of the observers in the room, I must be some kind of freak.** ;-)

*I promise to try to persuade him to write a post about my reactions someday.

**Still, I'm not keen on being slippered again anytime soon, particularly for punishment.

Shadow Lane 2008

2008-09-01T21:05:00.000-07:00

We're back! And, of course, we had a wonderful time. I even managed to get some relaxation and sleeping done, despite frantic calls from work on Saturday morning and the possibility that I might have to fly home early to deal with things.

There will be more posts to come in the days ahead (I promise) with details of the kinky shower sparkle threw for me and other merriment from the weekend.

Now we have to unpack and try to get organized for the week.

The Fickle Blogger

2008-08-28T19:23:00.000-07:00

It would be totally unacceptable for an entire month to go by without a post. So, um, even though it's been a full month since I last posted, I'm going to register at least one post for the month of August.

Sigh.

It's not that life has been hard. Just full.

Full mostly of wedding and work and life. M and I spent one full weekend at a premarital counseling event alternately referred to as "Jesus Camp" (though most of it was truly wonderful). We've been trying to be intentional about spending time with each other, even when I chose to work 12 days in a row and made myself sick, even when work for him is stressful off the charts, even when we're working on getting 70 wedding invitations assembled and mailed on top of the 100 California reception invitations printed and mailed. Yeah, life's been busy.

We've found some time for spanking. I'm really not stressed about the wedding or the preparations--I've chosen Flexibility as a spiritual discipline and I'm not letting myself be overworked about any single wedding issue. Wrong return address on the invitations? Who cares? Too many decisions to fit in a single day? Take one at a time. I'm proud of how I'm handling each individual thing. But the cumulative weight of it all is starting to get to me. (It doesn't help that I'm also trying to compile a voluminous file for professional certification at the same time.) So I've been spanked for general stress levels and for that ultimate sin, Not Taking Care of Myself. Which seems like a highly overrated value right now, if you ask me. But nothing serious.

At this moment, M is in Las Vegas for the Shadow Lane party; I'll follow tomorrow night. M, Chris, sparkle, and I have gotten a suite for this party: a new thing for all of us and something we've wanted to try. Sparkle has something fun planned for Sunday afternoon (I'm sure we'll fill you in upon our return). And I am trying to pack, clean our apartment for unexpected company that will stay here while we're gone, and get in as much relaxing as possible. Shadow Lane is lots of fun and it will be wonderful to see friends, but it's not what I'd call a real vacation. Too much to focus on, too many people around, and too much to do/see.

Friends, forgive me. I'm tired and a bit overwhelmed. I truly am looking forward to the weekend and despite my complaints, I truly am doing well. Life is very, very good. I am deeply in love with the man I am going to marry and I am lucky to be planning our wedding. Hopefully, the next time I post it will be with something interesting and something kinky.

Happy Birthday, sparkle!

2008-07-28T22:11:00.000-07:00

I know I've been delinquent in posting lately, but this is important.

It's sparkle's birthday!

Even though she's been sick lately. Even though she's been strapped in mean places lately.

Happy birthday, dear one! May your celebration be loud, long, and lusty. ;-)

A Cure for the Common What?

2008-07-15T22:33:00.001-07:00

If you're itching to know the resolution to last Friday's injunction--join the crowd.

;-)

The perfect, storybook ending to this story would be this:

M came home on Sunday night to find me sprawled on the bed in my sexiest lingerie. He took one look at me, growled, and then fucked me till we were both sore and exhausted. (Oh, and in this dream, he isn't tired, sore, or smelly from hiking for two days straight.)

But the real story goes like this:

On Thursday I started with a headache in the back of my head.

On Friday it came back, just a little. And then M forbade me from orgasming for at least two days.

On Saturday night it came back with a vengeance (and a special little twist).

On Sunday, I started my period and there was a crazy mudslide on the the ONE road back from the mountain M was hiking. My headache returned in the evening and M didn't get back until 2 a.m.

On Monday, I went to work and left early because my headache was creeping back in. Monday night we had dinner with family.

This morning (Tuesday), I opened my eyes with my alarm, realized that the headache was still f*&#ing with me, and cursed.

Then I rolled over and started kissing M's neck. Fortunately, he's fairly persuade-able, even when tired, so he was amenable to suggestions.

We had lovely, lovely sex, even if it wasn't the thunder-crashing, apocalyptic sex of the fantasy.

I got up and showered. M went back to sleep.

My headache was 100% gone by the end of my shower. And hasn't returned all day.

I don't know whether to tout this as a cure for migraines or conceal it from M. He's either going to want to fuck every time I have a headache or he's never going to do the insanely hot orgasm-injunction again. I'm kind of stuck.

Although thoroughly enjoying myself. Grin.

48 Hours

2008-07-11T21:12:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry. I know you're waiting for the follow-up to yesterday's post. And it's half-written. But something new has cropped up and it takes precedence.

There's no way to tell this story but down and dirty:

I am sore from last night's spanking. Really, really sore.

M is leaving for two days of hiking. Tonight.

He was mostly distracted while packing and getting ready--until just before he left.

He grabbed my incredibly sore bottom and twisted. Then pulled me over his lap and spanked me HARD.

Then gave me a rule for tonight: at least one hour of work on my project before I go to sleep. Or else I get woken up Sunday night and strapped hard with the horrible plastic-y strap from Cody and Nisha.

I helped him carry things to his car in the garage. He grabbed a handful of my hair, pulled me up tight against him, kissed me passionately, and informed me that I am not allowed to orgasm for the next two days.

WTF?!?!

Not at all. I am not allowed to come until he's home and fucks me. If I come at all in the next two days I will not be allowed to come for a week--

WTF?!?!?!

--and I'll be strapped hard every night of that week.

O.

M.

G.

And then he left. Kissed me hard and pulled out of the garage.

I was so turned on.

And then he came back.

He'd forgotten his fishing rod. Looked inside the carrier and found four canes. As a testament to how turned on I was, I bent over and invited him to try them on my (have I mentioned?) incredibly sore bottom.

He did.

I squealed.

He grabbed a fistful of my hair, pushed me into the wall, grabbed my pussy, and we made out like horny teenagers.

But I didn't come.

I was literally panting and moaning. Close to begging.

He said, "You may need a cold shower in order to get your work done."

And before I knew it, he tugged me in the bathroom, stripped me, turned on the cold water, and literally shoved me into the shower.

Not just into the water a little.

He pushed me into the water, then he pushed my head (my hair!) under the stream, then pulled me back so that my face got wet too.

Then he pulled my head out of the water, kissed me hard, and said, "I'll see you in two days. Be good."

I stood there, spluttering and shivering (from cold and turned-on-ed-ness) before turning on the warm water and watching it run off my rock-hard nipples in sheer frustration.

That may have been the single sexiest, single most frustrating encounter of my life.

I better get to work on my project.

I'm so gonna need another shower.

I'm getting spanked

2008-07-10T07:00:00.000-07:00

I finally broke down this morning and asked M to spank me hard.

He nodded sleepily, pulled me tight up against him, and whispered into my hair, "I love you, beautiful. And I'm going to give you a really serious spanking tonight."

Pause.

"The kind that goes on way too long."

Pause.

"The kind that has you wishing it were over way before it is."

Gulp.

But it's ok. I soooo need it.

sparkle Started It

2008-07-08T21:15:00.000-07:00

sparkle started it.

The Big Read reckons that the average adult has only read 6 of the top 100 books they’ve printed.

1) Look at the list and bold those you have read.
2) Italicize those you started but did not finish.
3) Underline the books you LOVE.
4) Reprint this list in your own blog so we can try and track down these people who’ve read 6 and force books upon them.

1. Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
2. The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien (M and I read them out loud to each other—my Elvish is better but he chants better)
3. Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte (only because I had to for school)
4. Harry Potter series - JK Rowling
5. To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6. The Bible (but not in sequence)
7. Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte (only because I had to for school)
8. Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9. His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman (We’re in the middle of the Golden Compass)
10. Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11. Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12. Tess of the D'Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13. Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14. Complete Works of Shakespeare (read several, though not nearly all)
15. Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16. The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17. Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
18. Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19. The Time Traveller's Wife- Audrey Niffenegger
20. Middlemarch - George Eliot
21. Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22. The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23. Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24. War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25. The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
26. Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27. Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky 28. Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29. Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30. The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31. Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32. David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33. Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
34. Emma - Jane Austen
35. Persuasion - Jane Austen
36. The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis 37. The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38. Captain Corelli's Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39. Memoirs of a Geisha- Arthur Golden
40. Winnie the Pooh -
41. Animal Farm - George Orwell
42. The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43. One Hundred Years of Solitude- Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44. A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45. The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46. Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery (probably only my favorite series of all time—I have every book ever published with LMM stories)
47. Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48. The Handmaid's Tale- Margaret Atwood
49. Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50. Atonement - Ian McEwan
51. Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52. Dune - Frank Herbert
53. Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54. Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55. A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56. The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57. A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58. Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
60. Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61. Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62. Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov (truly excellent—my senior seminar was on Nabokov)
63. The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64. The Lovely Bones- ALice Sebold
65. The Count of Monte Cristo- Alexandre Dumas
66. On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67. Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68. Bridget Jones' Diary - Helen Fielding
69. Midnight's Children - Salman Rushdie
70. Moby Dick - Herman Melville
71. Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72. Dracula - Bram Stoker
73. The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74. Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75. Ulysses - James Joyce
76. The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
77. Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78. Germinal - Emile Zola
79. Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80. Possession - AS Byatt
81. A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82. Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83. The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84. The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85. Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86. A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87. Charlotte's Web - EB White
88. The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89. Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90. The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91. Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad

92. The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93. The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94. Watership Down - Richard Adams
95. A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96. A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97. The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98. Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
100. Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

Though I have a few to add of my own. Seriously. No mention of Uncle Tom's Cabin, Clarissa, Harriet the Spy, or The Sweet Potato Queens? Who are they kidding with this "Top 100" nonsense?

I Admit It

2008-07-04T19:19:00.001-07:00

I so want an ass like these women.

Sigh.

So much.

The Saga of the Sunburn, Part 2

2008-07-01T22:31:00.000-07:00

Not that anyone is interested in this, but I thought I'd post the end of the story, just for continuity's sake.

Grin.

Yes, Lily and I did get spanked. In front of each other. With scolding and sternness and red bottoms and everything.

M required that we both wear skirts and we both complied, like the good girls we are. I wore my new Victoria's Secret panties that say "Angel" on them, just for good luck and subliminal messaging. Lily wore a thong, practical girl.

And she got to go first, lucky duck. I think M was trying to be nice because she's never had a spanking for punishment before. He had us both sit down on the (hard wood) coffee table and he stood over us, gently scolding and reminding us why we were there and what was going to happen. Then he sat down on the couch and held out his hand to Lily. She glanced at me a little nervously and I gave her a supportive smile as she gingerly put her hand in M's. He pulled her up and over his knee and raised her skirt. He caressed her backside briefly and then started spanking. On the whole it was definitely not the hardest spanking I've ever seen, but her bottom turned an alluring shade of red (sorry, Lily!) and she squirmed delightfully. Of course, I could only partly enjoy it because I knew that my turn was next and included the ebony hairbrush. Lily did feel the wrath of Ian's Nanny Paddle, but was spared any ebony because of her inexperience.

Oh, and [mumble, mumble] it happened [mumble] to be a [mumblerepeatmumble] offense for me.

Ahem.

And then it was my turn. Even though Lily was nursing a beautiful pink bottom, I believe she was rapt in attention. I got the barest of warmups, a short stern scolding, and then the damn hairbrush. Which came down far too hard, far too many times. Not the hardest or longest spanking of my life, but certainly a memorable one, if only for the presence of a comrade/witness.

Not that anyone's interested in this part either, but there were lots of cuddles and kisses afterward. We both said our obligatory thank yous and were forgiven.

Now I just need to buy some spray-on sunscreen. Or maybe steal Lily's. ;-)

Happy Birthday, Chris!

2008-07-01T07:37:00.000-07:00

Today is Chris' birthday--a much happier, more relaxed one than last year. And he has much to celebrate today with both of his girls safely at home with him.

Happy Birthday, dear Chris! May there be much spanking and merriment today and for the whole year to come.

**Anyone hoping for a post of a different nature (say, a Part 2) will just have to wait. I'm already late for work. But in case you were worried, my hands-free device did arrive yesterday, just in the nick of time. Phew!

The Saga of the Sunburn, Part 1

2008-06-29T16:27:00.000-07:00

I think something is wrong with me. No, really. I can't seem to go outside for more than 15 minutes without getting sunburned these days. Granted, I am of Swedish and German descent and I am a Midwesterner by birth. But I've been living in Southern California for two years (as of Tuesday) and I've never had this much trouble with the sun.

By now you may have realized that I am sunburned yet again. And by "yet again," I mean, " for the third time since my horrible horrible sunburn 6 weeks ago." Sigh. No, I'm not taking any medication that might make me more photosensitive--I'm not taking any medication, period. And no, I'm not a complete moron. I just don't expect to get burned by being outside for 15 or 20 minutes. None of these burns are even remotely the same as the bad burn from earlier and none of them are in the same place. I've been extremely careful not to reinjure the spots where I got burned before. But last weekend I was working on our little patio planting some herbs and vegetables; it was hot and I was wearing shorts and a sports bra. So my shoulders (carefully sunscreened) stayed fine but my upper and lower back got pink (a perfect outline of the sports bra). And yesterday I stopped by a friend's house for lunch and we sat outside to eat, so my chest got burned. Not my arms, which were also exposed. Just my chest. Sigh. I think there's something wrong with me.

And there's definitely something wrong with M. All his gentle good nature and sweetness have evaporated on this issue. I have a new rule about wearing sunscreen every day on my back, shoulders, and chest. So even though I have a Very Good Reason why I wasn't wearing it yesterday, he's not sympathetic.

Which might be why Lily is wishing she'd stayed home last night.

When he got home from his hike, Lily was over and we were having a girls' date. It was fun until I lifted my shirt to show him the new bra I got at Victoria's Secret. His eyes got kind of flinty and he said, "You got burned."

"Just a little! It's not bad. It'll be gone by Monday."

"You're getting paddled."

"It's really ok! I promise! Just a little pink--it's really not bad."

"You didn't wear sunscreen and you got burned. You have a rule about that. You're so getting paddled."

My eyes got big and my mouth went into a little o. "Then I'm going to keep Lily here with me all night."

"Then Lily can watch you get punished. She likes that."

This is true, she does. She isn't completely in the scene yet--she's still exploring what she likes and what she wants--but she definitely does like to watch people get spanked. Hard.

At this point she came and flung herself on me. "You can't spank Iris, cause I got burned today too." This is also true. Different situation than mine: she did put sunscreen on, but didn't reapply and stayed out in the sun all day.

M's eyes got flintier. "Then you're getting paddled too."

Lily let out an almost inaudible "eep" and buried her face into me.

He looked at us. "I have two naughty girls here who didn't take good care of themselves. So you're both going to get spanked hard. And you're both going to watch the other one get spanked."

We sat in silence, a bit surprised by the turn of events.

"But I'm not going to spank you now. I'm too sore and I think it will do you some good to stew about it."

Some negotiation about schedules followed and then, "7:00 tomorrow night it is, then."

Which is, if you haven't guessed, in, um, two hours and thirty-three minutes. Gulp.

Would you please buy me WHAT?

2008-06-23T21:00:00.000-07:00

A quick check in. No, we're not maimed or dead. Or sick. Or even on a spanking break. We're just living.

We had a FABULOUS time at the Florida Moonshine party at the beginning of the month.

Chris and sparkle were here last night and we had a delightful time with them. (I even got a good girl spanking!)

I've been mostly well-behaved lately.

And today I asked M to buy me a hairbrush.

No, seriously.

I even spent five minutes with him on the phone while he wandered around Target looking for the right one.

Sigh.

No worries, my friends. We have enough damn heavy wooden, flat-backed ones in our house. This one was a round brush, to be used strictly for drying Iris' hair.

Fun with Text Messages

2008-05-30T07:28:00.000-07:00

Did you ever notice how sometimes one simple phrase leads to a whole other conversation? And how those other conversations often lead to someone getting spanked? I had two of those last night.

Grin.

The first one was with Chris; he reported on the events fairly accurately here, so I won't reiterate them. But I did have a hunch that texting a fireman about a potential fire hazard in my bed might get a reaction.

The second one happened over the course of the evening. M had a meeting last night, so he set the Tivo to record the Lakers-Spurs game. Before he left I said, "I'm going to watch the game. Do you want me to text you periodic updates?" Being the diehard fan he is, he answered in the negative, rather emphatically. About half an hour later I texted him and said, "The Spurs are up by 80 at the end of the first quarter!" He texted back a raspberry. And that was all in good fun.

Fast forward to the fourth quarter of a very exciting game. I was chatting online with a vanilla friend of ours and mentioned that I'd teased M about the score--and that I thought he should do the same. A few minutes later he wrote, "Just sent the text." And we pretty much left it at that. M's meeting went really late and by the time he got home I was half-asleep. The conversation went something like this:

M: Are you asleep, love?
I: Mmmphgf.
M: Ohhh, I'm so tired!
I: I'm sorry, sweetie. Wanna snuggle?
M (climbing into bed): I actually want to watch the game.
I: OK, baby.
M: S wrecked it for me, though. He sent me a text that said, "Bummer about the Lakers."
I: [snort of repressed laughter]
M: What?
I: [snort of less repressed laughter]
M: What?
I: I told him to do that.
M (leaping out of bed): What?!
I (squealing and flipping onto my back): No, no, no!
M: You're going to be saying that more in a minute!
I: Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow ... ow! (You get the point.)

We were both laughing, though he spanked me really hard with his hand and the hairbrush from my nightstand. :-( I fell asleep happy. And he did too: the Lakers won.

Twin Spankings

2008-05-29T20:44:00.000-07:00

Is is sexier if you don't know what they're saying?

I just love the first girl getting spanked over his arm: yum.

Layers

2008-05-28T06:51:00.000-07:00

Not much new to report around here. We're busy with jobs, lives, wedding plans, and general things like laundry. I did get spanked this weekend. M made it a temporary rule that I wasn't allowed to touch or pick at the peeling skin on my shoulders because he was (justly) worried that I would scar the skin. But it's just so cool, you know? The skin was coming off in sheets--crocodile sheets! So I did give in to temptation and then confessed (of course). Which meant that he decreed a spanking for me, and I, being the overtired girl I was at the moment, got downright sassy. (I think he said "mouthy, naughty, and defiant"--or something like that.) I really didn't think he was going to do anything at the moment and that's always a mistake (particularly if you voice that conviction). He took me in the other room and hairbrushed me with the ebony brush and then said that I deserved another hairbrushing the next day. Sheesh! So I got spanked two days in a row (within 12 hours) and I had to stand in the corner after my second spanking. Which is not very nice at all.

Don't worry. I'm pretty much recovered. ;-)

Red All Over

2008-05-20T20:58:00.000-07:00

Just when I thought I was starting to heal from my punishments last week, Thursday came around. Which meant that D came over and I got spanked. I won't bore you with details (grin), but it was hard and heavy and I ended up very red and ultimately bruised. The red has to do with how hard he spanks, and the bruised has to do with where he spanks, which is far too high, too low, and too sideways for my taste. (Not dangerously so, you understand. I won't play with anyone I consider even remotely dangerous. I just happen to have a VERY low tolerance for what I consider too high and he spanks on the sides of my butt and my thighs, which I think is totally unfair. I don't expect to have a lot of input on this. ;-)) I've broken out the Arnica for the first time in a long time and we're running low.

And then just when I was starting to heal from that, Sunday came around. Which isn't a special date in particular except that M and I spent about four hours walking around outside and I got the absolute worst sunburn of my life on my back, chest, and shoulders. I am in so much pain (even two days later) that I have a hard time wearing clothes, I can't lift my arms above my shoulders, and the skin on my shoulders looks like bubble wrap (I'm blistered). I'm pushing the limit on how much aloe with lidocaine I can apply in a 24-hour period, popping aspirin and vitamin E pills like chocolate chips, and I even came home from work early today so I could work from home and not have to wear clothes that bit into my scorched flesh.

Before you ask: no, I'm not in trouble. M is being very sweet, rubbing vitamin E and aloe on me and giving me sweet attention. I know that Chris would have spanked the hell out of me if he lived nearby (c.f. an event from two years ago), but I'll be well-healed by the next time we get together. So I'm not getting spanked. But I am very, very red. And very, very in pain.

Sympathy, please.

A Real Punishment

2008-05-14T21:52:00.000-07:00

I just posted at Punishment Book, so check out the story of my latest spanking over there.

What's the Difference...

2008-05-08T06:48:00.001-07:00

...between a "mean" spanking and a "stern" spanking? Because the sharp, sting-y, VERY ouchy spanking I got from M last night was apparently not "mean," it was "stern." Felt pretty mean to me. I got grabbed, tossed over his lap on the bed, and spanked hard. And then when I thought it was over, he pulled down my pajamas and spanked me harder. :-( Mean, right?

Sadly, no Thursday updates today. The group has conflicting schedules, so anyone salivating in anticipation of a detailed orgiastic report (cough, Chris, cough, Paul, cough) will have to wait another week. :-)

Funny Hairbrushes

2008-05-06T22:04:00.000-07:00

A little something to brighten up your mid-week. I remember seeing this on TV (though not in the original, obviously) and loving it. Make sure to watch all the way through: the second time is a wonderful slow motion re-take.

I Love Thursdays

2008-05-01T21:52:00.000-07:00

So Thursdays have become my new favorite day of the week.

Not because I love my job so much.

Not because I am a mid-week kind of girl.

Nope.

Thursdays are my new favorite day because we now have two friends who are only available to come over on Thursdays. And they're fun. And kinky. One of them kisses divinely and the other can spank like no one's business. Yum.

How did we discover this? Like many good things in life, they were both under our noses (sort of). Lily has been a friend of ours for a long time, but has recently become a good friend, if you know what I mean. (And by "what I mean," I mean "she is very sexy and funny and sweet and likes to kiss both of us but especially me." Which is delightful.) She's just starting to explore her kinky side in a more public way (we're hoping to entice her to Shadow Lane with us) and she's becoming fairly adept at sassing, especially at funny moments. She loves the sensual, power play side of WIIWD*, but also enjoys watching other people get spanked.

D has been a friend of M's for a long time, but I'd never really met him until last week when he spanked me hard. Really hard. Hard enough that I was giggling and wiggling and a little bruised (and I don't bruise easily). Yum. This week he gave me a semi-mock punishment. I say "semi-mock" because the reason was nominal: I had gotten busy and hadn't checked my email for a few days, which meant that I hadn't responded to his emails. (Which is apparently really rude.) But the punishment felt real enough--I may have mentioned this before, but he spanks hard. Even just with his hand when he's trying not to bruise me because I'm trying on wedding dresses tomorrow with my mom and my sister.

Two strong, stern men to spank me for fun and for real with hands and various implements. A beautiful, sensual woman to kiss before, during, and after said spankings. Oh yeah, I definitely love Thursdays.

*What It Is We Do

De-stressing Spanking #2

2008-04-23T22:48:00.000-07:00

Damn.

I can't believe I'm writing another entry so soon.

Seriously.

I'm actually not stressing about the wedding now. It's been fun lately, planning in my head (no concrete decisions yet) and making appointments, but not really doing a whole lot of anything.

My job, on the other hand, is pretty stressful lately. Lots of really tiny, really important details to track and not lose. And while I'm capable of that, I'm really more of a big-picture kind of girl. But it's the deal for now (and the foreseeable future). Which means that I'm stressed at work and taking it out on myself.

And possibly on those around me.

Tonight I got home, tired from the day, with one hand/arm completely full of groceries for our six dinner guests (invited by M), and the other hand loaded with my purse, our mail, and my keys. And couldn't get into the apartment. Even when I kicked and knocked on the door. After dropping the groceries, most of the mail, and my keys, M finally opened the door. I was not pleased.

"Surly" is the word M might have used.

Fast forward past me being annoyed and snapping at M, then trying to make nice while still stressed, then biting his nose (playfully, I swear!), then accidentally boxing his ears (no, really. I genuinely would not do that ever on purpose). Then realizing that I was not being nice and walking back to his office to apologize.

En route, he met me in the hallway, cheerfully accepted my apology, and dragged me into the bedroom. I didn't know what was going on, but didn't protest. He flopped me over his knee, over the bed (we have a tall bed), and I caught sight of the three implements on my vanity. Serious leather straps, all. Um, yikes.

I got scolded. And strapped. Hard. Over my jeans, but still. He said that he knew I was wound up and that I really needed to be spanked. And more than being spanked, I needed to know that I was being spanked, which meant that it actually needed to be louder than sharp. (An unusual occurrence for me.) So I got strapped. Until I settled way the heck down. And then I got snuggled.

And I apologized sincerely for all my behavior.

And I de-stressed.

Sigh. I guess it does work.

De-stressing Spanking #1

2008-04-19T09:19:00.001-07:00

It may surprise some of you to know this, but I am a fairly intense person. I tend to throw myself into whatever I do with lots of energy, high self-expectations, and a good dash of humor. So it may not surprise some of you to know that I've already had a mini wedding meltdown.

Before I go any farther, I want to state for the record that my entire goal for the wedding and the planning process is that I enjoy myself and everyone around me enjoys themselves too. I've been through and to enough weddings with Bridezillas that I know a lot of things to avoid. I know that things will go wrong. I know that it won't turn out exactly how it is in my head. I also know that no one besides me (and maybe my mom and my sister) will remember the food, the flowers, or my dress. All the details that brides spend so much time planning? They are part of the experience and the event--and that's what guests remember. They remember a happy couple, they remember feeling comfortable and welcomed, and they remember having been a part of the day. So. My plan is to NOT go nuts.

On Monday night, after M proposed (and we called about 40 people), I was tired. Excited, floaty, and tired. So I climbed into bed and couldn't sleep. Not a bit. I wanted to sleep, but it was like I'd had 20 cups of coffee. But that was ok, because Tuesday at work I got to tell a whole other batch of people, so I had more adrenaline to keep me going. Tuesday night: still couldn't sleep. By Wednesday I was starting to feel overwhelmed. I'm planning the wedding in a state 2000 miles away and I've been trying not to overwhelm M with too much weddingness. (He's interested, but only to a point.) I came home around 9 from a dinner, looked at M and a friend of ours sitting in the living room, and said, "If I don't go to bed right now, I'm going to fall apart." So, like a good girl, I went to bed. Stared at the ceiling. Ran through reception site options in my head. Firmly told myself to stop thinking about wedding things. Meditated. Did progressive relaxation. Two and a half hours later, I got up, opened our bedroom door, walked into M's office, and burst into tears. Absolutely lost it. I was so tired, so overwrought, and all I wanted to do was sleep. M was wonderful. Soothing, cooing, snuggling, rubbing--all of his best tricks. (And still we had to resort to sleeping medicine.) And I finally fell asleep, thank God.

However, by last night he was not quite as love-y. We had dinner and then I was on the couch, watching Season Two of my current favorite show in the whole world (don't laugh, it's really good), when he walked up and held out his hand for the remote. I didn't whine, I didn't plead, I didn't look up with Bambi eyes. I just said, "No!" and tried to wrestle it away from him. Which, in retrospect, was perhaps the wrong idea. When he went to the bedroom to get the hairbrush, I darted in the bathroom and closed the door. He waited patiently, but I wasn't coming out. I mean, really! What were my options? Not good. Finally, I heard him call from the bedroom, "Young lady, this clock says 8:15. For every minute you're in there past 8:15, you're getting a huge paddle swat." Crap! Options getting worse by the minute! Literally. I poked my nose out and saw him standing in our bedroom, looking very stern. The moment I put my toe inside the room, he tossed me over his knee on the bed and started spanking, hard. Then he pulled me back upright and dragged me over to the corner: hands behind my back, no touching the wall. Then it was back over his knee for spanking with his hand, the leather paddle (I think), and the horrible ebony hairbrush. Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow! I was fussing and kicking, but my energy gave out pretty soon. He finished me off with 10 very hard paddle swats, then leaned over and whispered in my ear, "If you put one foot out of bed, you'll be back in the corner, then you'll be blistered worse than this with the brush, and then you'll head into the corner again. Got it?"

And then I got put to bed, with a slight interruption for some delightful sex. :-) I slept for 12 hours straight. :-)

BIG news!

2008-04-16T08:17:00.000-07:00

So first, a mea culpa for not posting sooner. A variety of reasons, including me going through my apparently seasonal loss of interest in spanking (seems to be every spring, which is counterintuitive, but that's what it is). Also we've just been really busy. And I'm sorry not to be posting anything long, witty, insightful, or juicy. But here's the news:

M and I are engaged!

Hopefully this will make up for some of my recent absence. And I really will try to be better about posting, even though I'm now planning a wedding. :-)

Euphoric Tendencies

2008-03-10T19:30:00.001-07:00

I'm back from my trip and want to rave about the play I flew there to see, Euphoric Tendencies. It's fantastic. Seriously. Anyone who lives anywhere near NYC (and by "near," I mean "Boston, DC, Maine, or Georgia") needs to make the effort to go. Trust me, it's well worth it.

Granted, I'm pretty biased. I mean, I have slept with the author, director, and two of the actors (which only adds up to two people). And both of them have spanked me. But even setting that aside, this is still a really good show. It's funny, it's well-written, the cast does a wonderful job, and it has lots of spanking. What more can you ask for?

The basic plot line is similar to Secretary in that there's a young woman who doesn't have a good sense of herself and she finds both her identity and her creative juices through spanking. But unlike Secretary (a movie I really like, by the way), the main character isn't portrayed as deeply flawed when she starts out--just confused and a little lost. And I think this shows a much more playful and joyful side to the scene; not nearly as intense as the movie.

So that's my plug for the day, kids. I have lots more to write about, but I'm already late for work. Wanted to make sure I got the link up today, though.

Go. See. It.

New York, New York!

2008-03-06T22:35:00.000-08:00

So I'm off to New York City for the weekend. Partly to see friends. Partly to see a fabulous new off-Broadway show, Euphoric Tendencies. My dear friends Yoni and Tasha are the producers (and directors and actors and writers). It's running for the next few weeks, so if you're in the area, go see it. I'll check in when I get back...

Steaming Mad

2008-03-02T21:08:00.000-08:00

Like most good spankos, my eyes and ears are finely attuned to catch the merest mention of spanking in the mainstream media. So when MSN ran this headline on their home page yesterday, I couldn't help but notice: Spanking Raises Chances of Risky, Deviant Sexual Behavior.

A CAVEAT: I have no desire to open up the debate on whether or not adults should spank children. That topic can get out of hand far too easily and isn't what I'm mad about anyway. I'm angry about this section of the article:

They found that spanking and other corporal punishment is associated with an increased probability of verbally and physically coercing a dating partner to have sex; risky sex such as premarital sex without using a condom; and masochistic sex such as spanking during sex.

There is a "dose response" at work here. "The more parents spank, the higher the probability of harmful side effects," Straus noted.

Of course, there's a similar dose response for smokers. But if someone reaches the age of 65 without developing lung cancer, it doesn't mean that smoking isn't harmful. It means the person was one of the lucky ones.

It's the same with spanking, Straus said. "If a person says, 'I was spanked, and I don't have any interest in bondage and discipline sex, that's correct, but it's not because spanking is OK, it's because they're one of the lucky ones."

Are you kidding me? Are you freaking kidding me? We've all read studies and heard discussions about spanking making kids more violent or at least normalizing violence; that's not new. But these studies (there are four of them) aim to show that spanking your kids will make them run out and find unmarried, nonconsensual partners they can spank and then fuck without condoms. And that all of these things are equally bad. I see so many flaws in this rationale I think the researcher should be embarrassed to publish his work. And I would personally like to kick him in the shins and call him some bad names--to his face.

Let's start with the idea that 90% of parents spank their kids at some point (these are his statistics). If that's the case, there are either a lot more kinky folks out there than we know about, or a lot more lucky folks than Straus knows about. Then let's talk about the implausibility of trying to link teenage/adult unprotected sex with childhood spankings--where, exactly does he find any remotely logical connection between the two? Successive occurrence of unrelated actions does not imply causality.

But I think what bothers me most is the ignorance and fear-mongering latent in his conclusion. Straus' concludes that parents are condemning their children to dangerous, kinky, immoral, and deviant sex lives because he assumes that spanking/BDSM/kinky sex is inherently wrong and to be avoided at all costs. Which is either laughably, pitiably stupid, or maddeningly, damnably ignorant. I'm leaning toward the latter.

Living in a Petri Dish

2008-03-01T08:46:00.001-08:00

For all my good intentions about posting more in February, life intervened and good intentions fell by the wayside. And by "life," I mean, "M got really really sick again and then gave me part of it so that I was only-kinda-sorta sick." Which sucks. We are so tired of being sick, coughing, navigating piles of used Kleenex, and being separated from our normal lives. This weekend, the first time we're both feeling more like ourselves, we're cleaning and organizing and doing our best to rout out the germs that have become too comfortable in our house. Here's to a better, healthier March!

Sadly, this has also meant very few spankings in our house. Of any kind, punishment or playful. I did get hairbrushed a little teeny bit for going to Curves one morning when I was way too sick to go. And I got a "calm down, you're getting too worked up" spanking the other night. But not a lot of fun things to report.

But given how long it's been since we've played and/or I've been naughty, I think you'll be getting more fun reports soon.

Still Here

2008-02-09T22:01:00.000-08:00

Where has February gone? Last I checked, it was still January, and now here I am having to figure out a Valentine's Day present for M.

I'm not dead, thankfully. Just busy with life and a now-full-time job and rearranging furniture and going through my filing system (yuck) and having company. I have a couple thoughts for posts perking in my brain and I'll get them up when I can.

Meanwhile, be sure to check out my good friend Dr. Ken's new blog: http://spankingminnesota.blogspot.com/. I just discovered it and I think it'll be a great addition to the scene.

Hope all is well with everyone and that you're staying warm in fun ways!

Getting Serious About Play

2008-01-27T13:50:00.000-08:00

I am feeling better today. Better enough to be horrified at the state of our apartment and insist that M help me move things so I could vacuum. Better enough to shower and blow dry my hair. Better enough to be driven to our favorite weekend breakfast spot for real food. But not so good that each of those activities didn't require a 20-minute (or more) rest. This is my after-brunch rest time. It's possible that I'm supposed to be napping, but M is in the other room on the computer and I think I'm ok as long as I'm having quiet time.

Just after the Shadow Lane party, I posted at Punishment Book about my desire to do more spanking play as opposed to real-life discipline, which is both at the heart of my kink and the bulk of what M and I do together. Paul linked to that post and spun off his own thoughts, which made me think about it again. So this is a response to a response. Of sorts. (Remember, you're getting the ramblings of a recently very sick woman.)

Paul wrote:

I think it's probably especially important for people whose primary expression of the kink is real-life discipline that they try to balance that with play that's more explicitly fun, both with their own partners and with others - whatever the conventional kink analogue of a fuck buddy would be.

An excellent point. For those of us who live in real-life, real-time discipline relationships, it can lose some of the spark or some of the energy. If the bottom is always misbehaving and the top is always correcting said misbehavior, it can become as rote and dry as the cliche about vanilla sex where she lies on her back and thinks about England. (Sorry, Paul!) We fall into our expected roles, play out the scripted encounter, and return to the rest of our lives. Which doesn't mean we get no enjoyment or fulfillment out of the interaction, quite the contrary. The very normalcy can be a wonderful thing; I know many people, tops and bottoms, who would love to be in a relationship where kink or discipline were the norm. But it does mean that we may be losing sight of the possibilities for different kinds of interactions and dimensions.

Like a fuck buddy. My gay friends are probably more comfortable with this idea than my straight friends, but we in the kink world certainly have an analogy. Many of the kinky folks I know are purposely not monogamous kink-wise. They tend to share their kink energy more readily than most share their sexual energy, and I think this is a good thing. I'm certainly not proposing that everyone must have multiple spanking partners, but as Paul points out, it can definitely be a good thing for those of us who fall on the heavy-to-serious end of the spanking spectrum. One way to lighten things up is to have alternative partners who interact in a different way than our primary/disciplinary partners. People who only spank you for fun or only spank you to orgasm. Intentionally seeking these relationships is a good, healthy way for us to balance WIIWD (What It Is We Do) with some fun.

And it's generally good to shake up routines and bring spice into a relationship. (Though our "routine" is probably many people's "extra spicy.") It doesn't hurt to remind ourselves to have fun with this glorious kink we've been given. Fun can mean pushing the limits of tolerance--but it can also mean taking some of the pressure off ourselves and playing on a different, lighter level.

Some of my friends play only on light levels. They dislike role play or anything that smacks (forgive the pun) of real-life or discipline. Some of them are sensualists, some are into heavier play, some only like it as foreplay before a sexual encounter. But for those of us who need a "real" dimension, lighter play can pose a problem. Again, Paul:

Figuring out what it means for play to be real, without being real-life . . . is a bit of a conundrum. . . . I'm not interested in play unless it's meaningful.

I don't play much at parties either, for this same reason. I am not a lap surfer, and I had some pretty serious meltdowns after my first few parties where I played with everyone who asked. It took a while to realize that I have a powerful connection with anyone who spanks me; I believe this is because all play is real on some level for me. Even if I'm not being spanked for a reason, the connection and the relationship are real, and those are not things I mess around with. So for me, meaningful play comes from the relationship with the top: a high degree of trust, of course, but also a compatibility of style. I have found a few people I enjoy playing with very much, usually people who are comfortable with themselves and who are flexible enough to play at varying levels of intensity. I am capable of playing very heavily, and I like a partner who can go there too.

Of all the possible ways to engage, discipline is the most intimate, most intense level for me, and I reserve access to that area for only a few people. It is satisfying to a degree I cannot describe; it quite literally puts my world straight and reorients me when I am muddled. But there are levels of engagement below discipline, and I haven't explored those as much.

Probably the level just below discipline is flying. Flying comes from a long build-up spanking where I can relax into the increasing intensity and eventually not experience the heaviest blows as pain at all. I know I'm flying when I lean into the next stroke, eager for the sensation. Others around me know I'm flying when I get a blissful look on my face or start giggling at ridiculously hard strokes. Leather implements will get me to fly the best--I don't think I fly often with wooden implements because the sensation is wrong.

I can also enjoy mock punishment when there are a few people around: me teasing and getting tossed over someone's lap for a few swats. The interaction becomes as much about the crowd and me as it does the top and me, though for it to be fun I still have to trust the top.

"Just because" spankings are sometimes difficult for me to process. I am genuinely hard-wired for punishment, so I expect a reason for a spanking. I've expanded my definition enough that "flying" now counts as a reason, but I have to consciously make myself relax into spankings that are meant to be long and fun. Having experienced some very nice ones, I am better able to shut up the voice in my head that says, "Stop! This isn't fair! I've been good! Why am I getting spanked?" but it still takes me longer to get into that headspace than a punishment headspace.

Then, of course, there are sexual spankings. By sexual spankings, I mean spankings that are only meant to arouse one or all parties and perhaps bring someone to orgasm. No other motives or trappings, no scolding, no stories, no discipline flavor. For as connected as spanking and sex are for me, I've not experimented much with these. My punishment spankings usually turn me (and M) on enough that things proceed naturally from there. And discipline is still at the heart of my kink, so even if I'm not in trouble I'm usually imagining it. Or our foreplay has some taste of it.

I guess this means that I still have some exploring to do in terms of play spanking. Which I'm more than willing to tackle. :-)

Clawing My Way Back

2008-01-25T22:13:00.000-08:00

I have been sick for the last week. Flat on my back, abjectly miserable, 102° fever, coughing up a lung, can't breathe through my nose, can't swallow anything, shoot-me-now sick. I haven't checked email, voice mail, text messages, blogs, or done much communicating at all beyond whispered pleas for a little more water. I've sweated through every single pajama-type piece of clothing I own, washed them, and sweated through some a second time. I don't remember the last time I was this wretchedly sick. Today I'm back to about 40% of myself, which means that I have a semblance of a voice, I went to work for about three hours in the afternoon, and got swatted. Considering how far from possible those things have been all week, this is nothing short of a miracle.

Thank you for the sweet wishes and prayers for health. I think it'll be a while before I'm back to full speed, but at least the $20 offer to put me out of my misery is off the table. ;-)

Backup, Please!

2008-01-20T11:53:00.000-08:00

Help! I know there's a rule about not getting spanked when the bottom is sick, which means there has to be a rule about not getting spanked when we're both sick. But I don't have access to my Book of Rules and I'm afraid it'll be too late by the time I find it. Does anyone have a copy handy? Could you look in the "Illness and Disease" chapter under "Exemptions"? Please?

You Found Me Again!

2008-01-16T20:49:00.000-08:00

More fun search terms that brought unsuspecting (or suspecting?) folks to this blog.

i love m*a*s*h Oh dear. I love M*A*S*H too, but I don't think this is what you were looking for, honey.

pajama spanking Um, pajamas don't give very good spankings. Kind of noodle-y and weak. I prefer the human kind. But whatever floats your boat...

gentle spank No way! As far as I'm concerned, spank hard or don't spank at all. Unless I'm really sore, and then you should be rubbing, not making it worse.

boys being whipped spanking gay m/m discipline Yikes. That's an awful lot to look for in one site. Sorry, guys; wish I could help you.

ghandi spanking story Tee hee. Now that I'd like to read!

iris noise Actually, I pride myself on being very quiet during spanking. No noise from this Iris.

m/m stories? Are you sure? Maybe you'd rather see some M/F stuff? Or F/F? Just checking.

reality spanking Trust me, the spankings here are very real. No fictional accounts, no misrepresentations, and no exaggerations (mostly). And frankly, if NBC held a spanking reality show, I think I'd have a damn good shot at winning.

what we celebrate iris day OK, I don't know what this is, but I'm all for it! Do I get flowers or chocolate? Or good girl spankings?

And the WTF award goes to:

"jump on his belly" Uh, what?

Top Ten List

2008-01-13T11:39:00.001-08:00

I don't agree with all the editor's choices, but some of these are wonderful. The short clips at the beginning are great! A little fun to start off your week, perhaps.

P.S. Which ones do you like and which ones not? I think my favorite is actually #4 and I actively dislike #7 (cruelty isn't my kink).

Yum

2008-01-06T18:10:00.000-08:00

If you haven't read sparkle's new post yet, you should check it out.

It's deliciously hot, written with a wry sense of humor and self-deprecation, and it inspired some, um, fun activity this morning at my house. Not specifically along the lines of her topic, but fun nonetheless.

Any day that starts off with shared porn, a spanking, and me getting fucked while kneeling on the leather armchair is a good day. [grin]

Old Fashioned Spanking

2008-01-05T13:39:00.001-08:00

I think this is really cute, but I wonder about the initial caption. Would they really have been spanked for not eating the cake?

And why didn't the little brother get spanked too? Oh, I know! It's setting up a scene where the sister spanks him. It's only fair.

Happy New Year!

2008-01-04T20:33:00.001-08:00

Hallo, chickadees!

Sorry I've been MIA for a while. I was off in the frozen, magical wonderland of the Midwest, visiting family. M and I went sledding (wiping out in a magnificent jump and half-twist), ate more than our fair share of sugar and junk (ugh), and saw almost my entire family in a week (put 650 miles on the rental car). And I didn't get spanked once! Which, uh, may have had more to do with the fact that we were constantly surrounded by vanillas, but I'd like to think it had something to do with my behavior.

Except that I got spanked/hairbrushed the day after we got home for various and sundry misbehaviors accumulated while we were gone. Tops have memories like elephants.

I received two New Year's blessings, which I pass on to you. The first is from my friend Princess Gail:

May peace break into your house and may thieves come to steal your debts. May the pockets of your jeans become a magnet of $100 bills. May love stick to your face like Vaseline and may laughter assault your lips! May your clothes smell of success like smoking tires and may happiness slap you across the face and may your tears be that of joy. May the problems you had forget your home address. In simple words, may 2008 be the best year of your life!

The second is from my friend Doc Ken:

May your days be filled with joy
May your nights be filled with wonder
And may all the in-between times be filled with all the spankings you could possibly want, need, desire, or deserve

Merry Christmas!

2007-12-25T08:55:00.000-08:00

Well, I made it through Chris and sparkle's visit.* We had a wonderful kinky time with them, snuck in as much grown-up time as we could, and thoroughly enjoyed all the non-kinky, kid fun with the princess. However, as sparkle points out elsewhere, I got spanked twice (hard) and she didn't get spanked at all. Which I think is unfair, to say the least. The next time we see them we'll have to figure out an Equitable Spanking Plan. Perhaps it could be applied to tops as well. (grin)

Today isn't a holiday for everyone, of course. But I do hope that wherever you are, you are with people who love you and that you have the ability to tell them that you love them too.

*Thanks to Student Discipline, Rose, and Raven for their help and suggestions!

Help!

2007-12-22T23:36:00.000-08:00

Sparkle and I are trapped in my house with two tops! And only the princess to save us!

We definitely need an infusion of brats/subs/bottoms to tip the balance in our favor.

Otherwise, heaven help us!

;-)

The Truth About Hotel Glasses

2007-12-20T21:30:00.001-08:00

OK, I am not even remotely a germophobe. I'm more in the "thirty-second rule" club. But this is pretty darn gross. Watch at your own discretion.

Iris Rule

2007-12-16T21:41:00.000-08:00

Thanks to brilliant suggestions by Google and two wonderful women whose names start with S, I am making a list of new rules. Rules for tops. Especially tops whose names start with M or C--but feel free to apply them liberally in your own top situations.

Rule 1: No spankings allowed when the spankee is sick. This is cruel, unusual, and only makes me feel sicker longer. Which means that someone is prolonging my illness. Which is not a nice thing to do. But since some tops are sneaky, this also requires:

Rule 2: Spankings earned while someone is sick cannot be accrued or made worse because they are deferred. Basically, when I'm sick I get carte blanche to complain and not follow all the rules perfectly. Because I'm SICK, that's why.

Rule 3: No collusion between tops allowed. If one spanks me, no one else can spank me for earning a spanking from the first one. And no one can interfere with the punishment of another to add to it or make it worse. Tops should not talk amongst themselves unless one of them is convincing another to let me off the hook.

Rule 4: No new nasty implements allowed in the house. Not even if they're smuggled in in pretty wrapping paper and put under my Christmas tree. We have quite enough horrible things without adding to the collection. This includes anything made from ebony, rubber, lexan, dragon's anything, or exotic hardwoods. Lovely leather, especially from The London Tanners, is welcome.

Rule 5: All punishments must be agreed on ahead of time. This means no surprise consequences that were not publicized ahead of time. Like, for instance, being spanked for getting sunburned. Or finding out too late that not getting enough sleep while away on vacation counts as a spankable offense. All rules and corresponding punishments should be discussed and noted (preferably on paper) before they may be enforced.

This is all I can think of at the moment, but I am definitely open to suggestions from other non-tops. Additions, anyone?

Spanking the Sick One

2007-12-14T22:13:00.000-08:00

If your girlfriend had been home all day long, miserable and sick and alone, would you spank her? Even if she said that she still doesn't feel good and is achy and doesn't feel good?

Of course you wouldn't. That's because you're nice and you understand that when there are pre-existing agreements for things that have to get done, they don't apply when people get sick. Which means that you don't take someone by the hand, lead her into the bedroom, pull down her pajama pants, bend her over your knee, and spank her. You cuddle her and baby her and bring her more Vernors.*

Now could someone please explain that to M?

It's too late for today, but might save me for tomorrow.

* To be fair, M did do all these things too. But who's interested in being fair when you're sick and just got spanked?

Entertaining the Sick One

2007-12-14T12:43:00.001-08:00

I'm sick in bed today. :-( The for real sick kind, too. I went to work and they sent me home even though there was a big crisis and I know they could have used the help. I suppose it wouldn't have helped much if I infected everyone else. Had to pull over on the drive home so I could throw up, which was not fun, in case you were wondering.

(Have I garnered enough sympathy yet?)

So anyway, in between naps and sips of Vernors, I'm amusing myself with YouTube and Dances with Werewolves. Maybe if I feel up to it I'll do some work on a PowerPoint for next week. Or maybe I'll just snuggle down and try not to be so freaking miserable.

For your enjoyment, gentle readers, here is another "Little House" spanking. I just love seeing Nellie get her comeuppance.

You Found Me!

2007-12-10T19:34:00.001-08:00

More fun search terms that Google used to route people to this site:

er story Not so much here, sorry. But Natty has a great story about kinky goings on in the ER, if you'd like.

iris sin blog I'm guessing this has to do with the housewarming party that M and I had a month ago, but I'm curious about the idea of a sin blog. I mean, it sounds like delicious reading, but I'd be too afraid it would turn into documentation of events that are better left undocumented, if you know what I mean.

sierra salem gives a good spanking
I have no idea. Perhaps someone else has first hand knowledge?

sunburned backsides or spanked backsides Oh dear. This sounds a little too close to an adventure I had a while ago with sparkle and Mija. I am ever so much more careful now in applying sunscreen. No sunburned bottoms here, thank you very much.

And my absolute favorite:

iris rule I think this is an excellent idea. Iris should definitely be making the rules and other people (ahem, cough, Chris, cough, M, cough) should be subject to them. Don't you agree?

A Little Girl Day

2007-12-09T18:18:00.000-08:00

This morning I woke up from a lovely dream where a tall, curvy, maternal (not motherly, maternal) woman was leading my by the hand down a hall into a room to spank me. The spanking never came to pass in the dream (other events intervened, as often happens in dreams), but I started the day feeling distinctly submissive. Not naughty, not sexual, just kind of calm and submissive.

M and I did crossword puzzles and watched football for a while and then I asked if I could have a little girl kind of day. I didn't want to misbehave; as a matter of fact, I desperately wanted to be a very, very good girl today. One who trots along, doing as she's told, and doesn't have to make any decisions. So M directed me through my getting ready ("Good girl for getting dressed. Now we're going to get some breakfast and we're going to try a new place.") and gave me lots of hugs and praise. I didn't make any decisions without asking permission, including what I ate at breakfast and how much of it I ate. When we got home, he took me by the hand, led me down the hall into our room, and gave me a gentle, lovely good-girl spanking. Not because I was bad, just because I'm Iris and sometimes I need to be reminded that I'm loved.

And then he gave me a list of things to do for the rest of the day. Not too many, but just enough to make me feel like I'd accomplished things. I, um, haven't quite finished the list, but I think I'll go get started. After all, I really do want to be a good girl today.

I Love YouTube

2007-12-09T11:56:00.000-08:00

It turns out that you can have a lot of fun with YouTube and variations on the word spank. So I'm going to share some of my favorites with you in the coming weeks. Here's one:

I agree with Uncle Charles, though Mija, Niki, and Bailey might say otherwise!

Why Can't I Do This?

2007-12-05T16:01:00.000-08:00

Why doesn't the world go all black and purple when I'm getting spanked, huh? Huh?

But then I guess I've never cried after four measly hand spanks either. Wimp.

Giving Thanks

2007-11-21T09:57:00.000-08:00

People, events, and things for which I am thankful:

My darling M
Health
Family
Chris, sparkle, and the Princess
All the PB authors
Curves
Being kinky! (Yes, I am determined to be thankful for it, even when I battle it)
Peppermint Joe-Joe's (only available at Trader Joe's, but seriously. If you can get them, buy three boxes.)
A fulfilling (if exhausting) job
You! I am thankful for you, dear readers

Any particular thanksgiving you want to post, leave it here.

Reality becoming Fantasy

2007-11-16T20:30:00.000-08:00

I'm a bit behind in my blog reading, so I only just discovered Niki's post about the repercussions from a misplaced pea. First of all, I really love real-life accounts of spanking, especially from people I know. (I can just hear HH's voice...) It's satisfying on a level different from fiction because it has the extra ring of truth--gasp! there are actually people out there getting spanked!--and because the accounts are stripped down to the essentials. And let's face it, Niki writes really well. I've been enjoying replaying the scenario in my mind just as it was written and I suspect I may replay it, um, later too.

But now my mind has turned the reality into fantasy: Niki, sparkle, Mija, Bailey, IrishRed, Princess Gail, and me sitting and enjoying dinner at the restaurant at the Suncoast. Niki giddily flicking a pea across the table, only to be answered with a french fry. Someone else joining in with a cherry tomato, and then some Diet Coke, and then...

Fast forward to the nervous young ladies being escorted out of the restaurant by HH, Chris, Pablo, Ian, and M. Disheveled, food-smeared, giggling nervously. All taken up to one suite and soundly spanked together for our misbehavior.

Uh, excuse me. Time to go replay some stories* in my, um, head.

_____________________

*Seriously, girls, what do you think? Staged food fight at SL 08? Grin.

Who's Surprised? Anyone?

2007-11-16T20:14:00.000-08:00

Your Score: SPANK SLUT

You are 100% spankable!

You loved to be spanked, good and hard, with any available object. You will take it as hard as anyone is willing to give it. You are probably guilty of provoking your lover into spanking you, by flagrant misbehavior or verbal challenges. Hell, your ass is probably red right now. We wouldn�t be surprised if you are standing at the keyboard, because it hurts to sit down.

Link: The How Spankable Are You Test

Still Here

2007-11-05T20:43:00.000-08:00

Nope, I haven't fallen off the face of the earth. The party was wonderful--thank you to everyone who had such good recipe advice! We had apples, cider, nuts, chocolate, champagne, and lots of other decadent food that was definitely sinful. Lots of fun, but lots of work. We're both recuperating a bit this week and I'm trying to keep my head above water with two crazy jobs. Believe it or not, it has been weeks since I've been spanked for real. I've been too stressed to misbehave and too preoccupied to be a brat.

No, really. It happens.

M and Iris are Living in Sin!

2007-10-27T15:31:00.001-07:00

M and I are having our housewarming party next weekend to show the new apartment to our (mostly vanilla) friends and family. I need suggestions for food to serve: things that are easy to make ahead of time and don't require a lot of work to keep warm or cold. Basically I want to set them out and not worry about them again.

I've done a bit of research and found some things that would fit with the theme of the party, like Mississippi Sin Dip and Deviled Eggs. To drink: Original Sin, perhaps. Grin.

Other ideas? (I'm actually soliciting help here, folks.)

Fun with Google

2007-10-18T19:47:00.000-07:00

I've always loved looking at the random "What the Net Dragged In" topics from others' sites. It took me a good while to figure out how to access it myself,* but I have been tracking visitors and trends for the last few weeks and have some interesting things to report. Mostly, I'm interested in the things that people have entered into search engines that made them click on this blog. The most fun ones:

"sierra salem" torrent Now, I think Sierra Salem is a very sexy girl. Enviable figure, beautiful hair, and oh yes, a gorgeous bottom. But torrent? Um, sorry.

chris strokes Hee, hee. I wonder what they were actually looking for--perhaps a man with that name? So many perverted things come to mind, I can't even start listing them.

have you been spanked today? Um, not today. But yesterday. And truthfully, I probably will get spanked before the evening is out. It's been that kind of week.

And my particular favorite:
tingly sensation eyes My eyes! My eyes! ;-)

*In case you're wondering, you can sign up with Google Analytics, put an html code thing on your page, and then access all the data.

A rant, er, story about tops

2007-10-17T22:42:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time there was a sweet, charming, extremely well-behaved Iris. She transgressed ever so slightly a rule that was set in stone. Feeling guilty (as all good, honest Irises do), she confessed to both M and Chris, throwing herself on their mercy. But they showed none, and she received punishment from both.

[I'm pausing a moment to let you catch your breath from the shock.]

[No, no, take your time.]

She shouldn't have been surprised, given the nature of tops. And she wasn't. She was even gracious in her acquiescence to their toppiness. But she was shocked (shocked, I tell you) by their toppy collaboration.

M's punishment was swift, immediate, painful--and over quickly. Chris' punishment was long-lasting, a little embarrassing, and not-so painful. It included (OK, was comprised entirely of) 10 minutes in the corner bare each night for 5 days, plus a sign I have to keep in my car for two weeks.

Anyway.

One top is NOT (not, I tell you) supposed to interfere with the punishment of another. So why did I spend 12 minutes in the corner tonight after being spanked? Toppy interference, that's why!

The moral of this story?

Tops should mind their own business! (Also, tops can't see if you stick your tongue out at the corner.)

Hmph.

(Oh, and if you don't mind, I'd just as soon you didn't tell M and Chris about this.)

M/M spanking

2007-10-14T20:07:00.000-07:00

Natty just posted about something that Kayley posted a few weeks ago. (And yes, I feel like a high school sophomore just saying that.)

It made me think again about how much I love M/M stories. Not just like them. Really love them. When I first got into the scene, I came into the world through stories. First, Laura's Story Corner. I read voraciously, anything and everything I could get my hands on. Some of the stories turned me on; others shocked me; still others disgusted me; some even scared me out of my wits.

Now, much later in my evolution as a kinky woman, I am less shocked. I have more refined tastes and know what I like and don't like. But I am still surprised and still evolving. Every once in a while I read something or see something and think, "Hmmmm...now that looks interesting." Or I don't even think that, but some explosion goes off in my brain and I become instantly aroused. (Which is in and of itself a clue.)

I discovered M/M stories several years ago when I came across Ranger's stories. (I'm not sure that's the most recent link, but that's the best one I have.) Ranger led me to Rolf (same link as above), and then I found Nelson and LJ. And I fell head over heels in love.

Now, I am extremely picky when it comes to fiction. I no longer read voraciously or accept anything as good. I have enough experience in the scene and its literature that I know I can find better--or dream up better. These authors write extremely well. The characters are lively, the dialogue engaging, the punctuation impeccable.

Natty wrote: Like Kayley, I suspect what fuels my M/m fantasies are the fact that most spankings in non-kinky fiction are boys being spanked by male teachers and parents. And historically speaking, boys were far more likely to be whipped than girls.

The genre attracts me for different reasons, though. (Granted, I'm talking M/M, not M/m. So perhaps I'm talking about an entirely different genre than they are.) But I think one of the reasons I love M/M so much is that the feminism debate can't enter the picture at all. There's no question of the woman being weaker or more deserving of discipline because of her gender. In fact, these authors tackle the question of discipline head-on and resolve it simply with the "different people have different needs" argument. Which works much more cleanly in a same-gender relationship than in a hetero one. That simplicity holds a strong attraction for me. I'm free to identify with either character and free to enjoy the relationship without worrying about her motivation or his prejudices. I can enjoy the sexual spark between two people, enjoy the bratting of one, the calm sternness of the other, and the harmony that occurs in a well-functioning (if fictional) discipline relationship. And it's a good escape. Without sexist rhetoric or my internalized concern that I'm participating in a non-feminist discourse. (The liberal arts education kicks in far too easily!)

So what about you? Are you drawn to this genre? Or another genre in which you don't/can't particpate? Any reasons?

A Day to Celebrate!

2007-10-12T16:45:00.000-07:00

Happy Love Our Lurkers Day, everyone! And Happy M's Birthday! (Two reasons to celebrate!)

My little blog hasn't been going long, but the stat counter suggests there might be one or two people who come by to read without commenting. All readers are welcome, with or without comments, but I admit that I am terribly, terribly curious about who is out there. Are you all people I know? Are you people I have never met? Are you bloggers or non-bloggers? Into discipline, sensual, sexual, romantic, or other kinds of spankings? Totally vanilla and just browsing to get a glimpse of a different world?

So please feel free to leave a comment. A wave is just fine. A smart remark or witty retort would be wonderful. And if you don't want to leave your name, that's just fine. On the other hand, if you want to tell me a bit about yourself, please do!

And if you want to leave a message but don't know what to say, leave birthday greetings for M. :-)

Are we there yet?

2007-10-11T20:56:00.000-07:00

Chris and sparkle have a remarkably bright daughter. She is truly a delightful child: generally amiable, definitely opinionated, and always up for fun. In the last few months, however, she has developed the unfortunate habit of actually paying attention to adult conversations. And repeating what she hears.

I discovered this new phase in her development rather by accident, during a long car trip where I jokingly whined from the backseat to Chris (the driver), "Are we there yet?" The princess picked up on the question and has apparently taken to asking it. Sometimes ad nauseum, as sparkle can attest. So although I did not specifically teach the child to say it, I have been given credit for introducing it into her vocabulary.

And just as sparkle threatened, she did in fact give me 56 swats* with their rubber paddle last weekend when they visited. They weren't ridiculously hard, but 56 swats with anything rubber leaves a definite sensation. In this case, it was a warm, glowy, tingly sensation that had me pleasantly flying. M and Chris were an appreciative and mostly well-behaved audience (though one of them did keep asking sparkle if we were there yet).

And I can't be quite sure, but I think sparkle enjoyed herself too. :-D

*The original 50 swats, plus 6 more for the 6 times she said it on the car drive to our house that weekend. Sigh.

I Should Know Better

2007-10-07T19:13:00.000-07:00

You'd think I'd be more comfortable with myself, my needs, and my identity by this point in my evolution as a kinky person. I mean, I've spent thousands of hours reading about this, writing about it, thinking about it, and talking to intelligent (and not-so-intelligent) people about it. I have counselled newcomers to the scene. I have taken great pride in naming and claiming my need for discipline.

So why on earth do I still trip over myself? Why do I sabotage myself by trying to be something I'm not? Or rather, why do I try not to be who I am?

Sigh.

The last week or so I've been hormonal. And struggling with stuff. And trying desperately to do it all on my own. M stepped up and offered to help, even setting a deadline and a rule. And what did I do? I got anxious, self-conscious, insecure, and self-destructive. When M tried to step in and help again, I pushed back and resisted his help because I was afraid of being too needy.

Actual conversation in the middle of my spanking today:

M: What is going on with you?
Iris: I'm just trying to take care of this on my own.
M: And how's that working for you?

At this point, we both started laughing, since I am clearly not handling it well.

M pointed out that since 1.), I can't do it on my own and 2.), he wants to help me, the easiest way to accomplish this is to not resist when he's trying to do something. And then he hairbrushed me silly.

The man may have a point.

More MAS*H fun

2007-10-06T10:02:00.000-07:00

****Edit****
[Photo Deleted]

Courtesy of Dr. Ken!

Oops! When Dr. Ken sent me the picture, I thought it was so cool that I posted it without thinking. Sorry, Endart! If you want to see it again (or for the first time), go check out the original site. :-)

I Love MAS*H

2007-10-05T18:20:00.000-07:00

Watching M*A*S*H reruns the other night. Margaret (aka "Hot Lips") gets engaged and comes back bragging about her new fiancé.

Col. Potter (looking at his picture): He's a Lieutenant Colonel.
Margaret: Oh, yes, sir. I could never love a man who didn't outrank me.

Hee hee.

Yes, I'm still alive. Working on a longer post in my spare time. Decorating the new apartment, planning a housewarming party (Theme: "M and Iris are Living in Sin!"), and playing Betty Crocker every night.

Chris, sparkle, and the princess are coming to stay for the weekend. I imagine there may be a retribution spanking at some point; sparkle and I will keep you informed. :-D

Oh. Dear. God.

2007-09-20T15:46:00.000-07:00

I am so dead.

http://asparkle2.blogspot.com/2007/09/fair-warning.html

I'm back!

2007-09-19T21:47:00.001-07:00

Sweet, sweet internet. My very intelligent, highly skilled, and much beloved M has managed to configure our internet connection. Never mind the boxes piled everywhere (and I do mean everywhere). Never mind the unassembled and unpurchased furniture. We are online! (Lest you think I'm being sarcastic, I am genuinely grateful. Boxes will take forever to unpack; I've been having internet DTs.)

And here is an example of just how brutal my love can be. He hairbrushed my foot! Well, actually, he hairbrushed my backside hard enough to make me kick high, and then he hairbrushed my foot. As SarAdora would say, Tsk.

The Rules

2007-09-14T17:56:00.001-07:00

A few weeks ago, sparkle posted this list of her rules, both old and new. It got me thinking about the rules that I've had at different times and in different relationships, so I decided to make a similar list.

Permanent Rules
(Rules that never change and seem to be embraced by all disciplinarians I've had.)

1.) Take care of myself
This is the broadest, most basic rule. Parameters can be defined differently by different tops, but are generally the same. They include eating, not deliberately going to dangerous places by myself, not driving recklessly (I am a very good driver, but have been informed by Chris and M and Yoni that if I were to ever get a speeding ticket I would be in big trouble from them all), and generally not endangering myself. More specific interpretations have included not peering over sand cliffs to see the rushing torrent of water (M), not driving on my cell without an earpiece (Yoni), and not getting sunburned at the beach (Chris).

Yes, I've been spanked for most of those.

2.) No texting while driving.
This is a newer rule for me, but unfortunately one on which all my disciplinarians agree. And I agree that it's safer, but sometimes it would be so much more convenient to shoot off a quick text--and sometimes that happens while I'm in the car. But I have promised to be careful.

I have been spanked for this a little. Mostly threatened and roundly scolded for thinking about it.
3.) No bad behavior
I really am generally well-behaved, despite what this blog might imply. But I do get impatient and I will vent my frustrations occasionally with a stamp of my foot or a flash of my tongue. This bothers M more than any of the others, but all of them have spanked me (or swatted me) for it.

Currently, the penalty for any tongue-sticking-out whatsoever is a hairbrushing. Period. No haggling allowed.

Temporary Rules
(Rules that have been in place for certain periods of time with certain disciplinarians.)

1.) Do my reading/work
When I was in grad school there were a couple of times when I asked M and/or Yoni to help give me some structure. I was falling behind in reading for classes, pushing papers to the last minute, and generally spiralling downward. Having an external sense of accountability helped me get things accomplished and kept everyone more sane.

This was one of the more regimented examples of the rule.

2.) Take care of myself
Sometimes I get really bad at watching out for myself, so I have more specific rules about what to eat, when to go to bed, or things like that. These are short-term things, since neither my tops nor I wish to get into a 24/7 control relationship. They are set up to protect me when I'm not doing a good enough job taking care of myself and they last "as long as they need to." (grin--can you tell I've heard that before?) Consequences include reporting in at various times to my disciplinarian, spanking for falling short of the expectations, lines, and early bedtime.

That just about covers it. Seems like sparkle does have more rules than I do!

Out of Whack

2007-09-11T22:10:00.000-07:00

I just posted something new over at Punishment Book.

Go check it out.

As promised. . .

2007-09-09T08:50:00.001-07:00

I'm just dropping in for a minute to put up the lines I said I would/was forced to post. M had a family reunion all last week (we went there straight from Shadow Lane) and we are in the process of moving to a new apartment now. Updates might be less frequent than I'd like, but I'll do my best.

Oh, and thank you to everyone who has posted such lovely comments!

Shadow Lane 2007

2007-09-05T08:26:00.000-07:00

M and I just got back from Vegas and the Shadow Lane party. Highlights from the weekend:

· Doing a role play with HH, where I was an 18-year-old miscreant caught out after curfew, causing a breach of the peace with drunk and disorderly conduct. As an American tourist, I didn’t know that the British deal with such behavior in a barbaric and archaic fashion: by dressing the girl in a school uniform and sending her for “corporal correction.” Mmmm, lovely.

· Playing with M in a suite party and gathering a crowd because of the intensity of the spanking. It wasn’t for punishment—purely fun—but my endorphins were flowing and I took a seriously hard session with a wooden paddle and a thick strap. It was so hard that Niki Flynn was literally cowering in the corner watching! One gentleman asked me very politely afterward, “Um, was that typical?” Grin.

· Feeling very well cared for by M and Chris as I struggled with some of my own demons. And being surrounded by supportive friends.

· The last evening of the party, a group of good friends in our room. Niki Flynn, HH, Chris, sparkle, Mija, NY Irish Red, Bailey, Ian the London Tanner, Tony Hamilton, and Aurora. Much merriment, champagne, spanking, and teasing.

· At said party, Chris was spanking me with one of Ian’s paddles and Ian objected to the slight inflection in my voice as I counted Chris’ strokes. Mr. London Tanner decided to teach me a new way to count and put me over his own knee. One stroke per cheek, and I had to count from one to ten on one side and ten to one on the other. (Got that?) It’s supposed to be like this: Smack “One!” Smack “Ten!” Smack “Two!” Smack “Nine!” Confusing at best, right? Except Ian, sadist that he is, started giving me two in a row on the same cheek. But I managed to keep it all straight, even confusing him at one point. J And the room cheered when we were done.

· The (ahem) 8 hour drive home from Vegas to LA. It could have been traumatic, but because we carpooled with Chris and sparkle, it was as fun as it could possibly be. We groaned, teased, reminisced about the weekend, and planned for the next party.

A Mystery

2007-08-28T22:24:00.000-07:00

Some of you know that I am something of a bumpersticker connoisseur. So I was delighted and astonished today to see TWO cars sporting a bumpersticker I'd never seen. It is a black outline of a paddle with the words Asylum St. Spankers on it ("Asylum" and "St" are in small letters on the handle, "Spankers" in large letters on the face of the paddle). I'm tickled to relay that both cars were bright red in color, but I am puzzled as to the genesis of the sticker. Does anyone know whence this comes?

A bit of background

2007-08-26T21:10:00.001-07:00

I don't want to write a whole autobiography here (most people reading this blog already know me, either in real life or from PB), but I thought I should probably set out some kind of introductory post. At least an intro about me and spanking.

I have been interested in spanking for as long as I can remember. Before I was old enough to realize that it was sexual, I knew that I was fascinated by spankings: reading about them, catching snippets in the movies, hearing parents threaten their children in supermarkets, listening to stories from family and friends. So even though I thought about it a lot, it wasn't until sometime in college I realized that all this interest was related to a specific tingling sensation and perhaps that meant it was sexual.

So yes, spanking is sexual for me. Most of my orgasms involve me being spanked or me thinking about spanking--it is possible for me to come without spanking being involved, just not common. At some point I'll probably resurrect a survey I did for an independent study in grad school about sexuality, sexual orientation and BDSM, but we'll leave that for now.

On top of being sexual, though, spanking is about discipline for me. It took me a while to come to terms with that: I was lucky to come of age in a time where spanking doesn't seem perverted or terribly unusual, but discipline? That was a whole other game, thoroughly contradictory to my liberal arts and feminist training. And probably fodder for another later post. Suffice to say that I am now at a point where I recognize that spanking-as-discipline is at least as important to me as spanking-as-sexual-expression.

I have been incredibly blessed to find strong, supportive communities and individuals who have helped me articulate my needs and find ways of having them met. Crimson Moon was the first place I found people who were totally comfortable with spanking--they had fought their own personal battles and come to peace with themselves and their needs. Through CM I met Yoni and Tasha, a couple who have become family--in fact, we were in a relationship for a time. They gave me the gift of acceptance and taught me that it is in fact ok to need to be disciplined/punished.

Through Crimson Moon I also met M. In the beginning of our relationship, he was unconvinced of his capacity to be a disciplinarian, but needless to say, he has changed. We continue to negotiate the scope and boundaries of discipline in our relationship, but he is a wonderful man and I am lucky to have him.

Chris and sparkle and their Princess became good friends through other scene friends, and they became a lifeline for me when I moved to Los Angeles over a year ago. When M and I broke up for several months, Chris stepped into the role of disciplinarian. Which means that I technically have three disciplinarians: Yoni, Chris, and M. Two of them live more than six hours away (Yoni lives in New York!), so they don't do much on a daily level, but there's still the capacity for Iris to get into a world of trouble. And neither Yoni nor Chris has much compunction about emailing M and asking him to spank me for something.

For all this blustering, you'd think that I'm constantly in trouble. I'm not. I'm a good citizen. I mostly obey traffic and other laws. I am sassy and bratty--some times more than others--but am also kind and sympathetic and very interested in helping people (my profession dictates that).

And that's enough about me for now.

Have you ever had to. . .

2007-08-23T07:45:00.000-07:00

. . . create your own line?

Part of my punishment from Chris is to write lines. Or, as he says,

200, written in one sitting. No taking breaks to do anything else until they're done...you can sit and rest your arm occasionally, but other than that, you're not to get up except for necessary bathroom breaks.

Also,

You will select the sentence to be written. It will be at least six words long and appropriate to the situation, but does not need to be incredibly specific. Do not even think about coming up with something smart-assed, or you will be even sorrier than you're already going to be.

Well, damn. I've had to write lines a few times before, but I've always had one assigned to me. It was drudgery, but didn't involve much thought. It turns out that this is really hard. Hard because so many, many impertinent, sassy lines come to mind. Hard because I don't want it to be too long. Hard because it has to be "appropriate to the situation." And also hard because

Once the lines are written, the first page will be scanned and posted to your blog.

Eep.

The Rest of the Story

2007-08-21T23:08:00.000-07:00

Well, here's the deal. Last night, I was this close to falling asleep when I suddenly got an over-tired rush of adrenaline, said something feisty to M, and stomped my foot. He, in a sudden and unexpected fit of toppiness, turned me over his knee and spanked me. Hard. With his hand, a hairbrush, and a paddle.

This turn of events put me in a semi-submissive headspace, wherein I decided to confess something to Chris via email. I woke up this morning and found this in my inbox:

[My full name],

Don't have time to respond in detail right now as I have to go to work, but yes, you're in big trouble, young lady. I'll let you know just how much trouble when I have time to sort it out and reply more fully.

Chris

Foolish me. I immediately crawled back in bed and whispered to M, "I think I'm in big trouble with Chris." He snuggled me sleepily, and said, "For what?"

Now this particular issue is the only issue that Chris has complete authority over. It's the same issue that he was helping me with in the winter, and one for which M isn't totally comfortable punishing me. So I responded by naming the general issue and snuggling deeper under the covers, confident that was the end of the conversation. Foolish me. M suddenly tightened his grip and said, "And when are you getting spanked for this?"

Still not realizing my peril, I said, "I dunno. Probably not until Shadow Lane."

He said, "Well, if you're in big trouble, I think you should be spanked sooner. If you have to wait for your punishment, it always gets worse. I'm going to spank you now."

And he did. With his hand, the hairbrush, and that damn paddle. Again.

So that's the story.

***
And in case you're wondering, yes, Chris has passed the rest of my sentence. But more will come on that soon.

Double Trouble

2007-08-21T09:50:00.000-07:00

Not enough time to post the whole story now, but I'm leaving a teaser.

I have been spanked, hairbrushed, and paddled twice in the last twelve hours. And that's only from M! I've earned more from Chris, who is fortunately/unfortunately long distance.

To be continued...

Noise? What Noise?

2007-08-20T09:55:00.001-07:00

M and I were away in the north this weekend, visiting his parents. One night before bed we were goofing around and he threatened me with a hairbrush and a paddle.

"You don't have a paddle with you!" (I am bluffing. He often does pack a paddle when we travel.)

"Oh no?" Paddle not-so-magically appears from his suitcase.

"Yeah? Well, you can't use it! Way too loud with your parents next door!" Feeling very smug and satisfied with myself.

He grins. An evil grin. "Nah. I figure I give you one good crack and then start cursing: 'Ow! My toe! Stupid, mother-f@*#ing bed! Ow!'"

Damn, he's good.

Oh, and my favorite find of the weekend? The new pizza place in town, called SWACKS! (Upper case letters and exclamation point included).

Fun with Art

2007-08-16T22:15:00.000-07:00

I've had these pictures for a long time, just waiting to post them somewhere. When I was in grad school I worked in the library; this statue sat in the middle of the atrium for about six months. It made working there simultaneously more interesting and more, um, distracting.

My question is this: what the hell do you think the artist thought the figures were doing?